8.31.2011

John Spencer: "For All Your Tattoo Needs, I Recommend Octopus"



UPDATE: video has been reposted.

A couple of things here:

1. Congrats to the Spencers on the new addition.

2. We don't get to see the tattoo. I'd like to see the tattoo just so I can have closure.

3. This is not tattoo music. My wife has like 8 tattoos, we have several close friends who are noted tattoo artists (namedrop: Patrick Dean, Dave Shoemaker, Kevin LeBlanc) and every single one of my high school friends were straight edge, hardcore-types who dragged me to Born Against shows. Needless to say I have spent an inordinate amount of time in tattoo shops for someone who's skin is as virginal and untouched as Chivas USA's No. 1 allocation spot. And you know what? They play everything from Wilco to Slayer in there. They do not play massage music.

MLS Part of the Vikings Stadium Convo

ICEBOX

"Although talks this week about a roof for the proposed stadium moved from retractable to fixed to reduce the cost, the Vikings would prefer a moving roof because [owner Zigi] Wilf wants to get a Major League Soccer franchise. None of the 18 MLS teams plays in a fixed-roof stadium."

More from TwinCities.com.

Transfer Window Shopping Takes on New Meaning

Trolley

Hats off to England for finally out-Americaning us. Watching sports on TV while shopping for chemicals disguised as food is pretty much the end-all, be-all of modern, information-age excess so I applaud Sainsbury's and Sky Sports for making this miracle happen just in time for the final day of the transfer window.

So now you can find out exactly where Clint Dempsey is rumored to be moving to while picking up a six-pack and a few tins of beans. Which is awesome and sad at the same time. So it's either awesomely sad or sadly awesome, can't decide which. You make up your own mind.

VIDEO: Michael Bradley Arrives in Verona



I'm just going to put this bit of ignorance out there to start the day: every town in Italy looks exactly the same. Or at least my never-been-to-Italy ass thinks so. Seriously, this looks like an interview sequence from the current, Florence-filmed season of Jersey Shore; I half-expected to see a cut of Sammi drunk & crying and a coked-out Situation making "that face" as he looks out over the top of his sunglasses before the whole thing was over.

Also Mike B. speaks as if English is not his native tongue which I get. Living abroad is a mindf*** linguistically and he's lucky if he still knows the English word for "Pork Roll" since he's now on his 4th country in 5 years. The upside though is you get that man-of-the-world accent that instantly makes you seem interesting and a candidate for the next Dos Equis man.

8.30.2011

Camping With Klinsmann



I miss Kammarman. Bring back Kammarman!

A Run-On Sentence on George John



You ever tell a girl "it's not you, it's me" and then break up with her for another chick that looks flyer only to find out in the 11th hour that there is a total dealbreaker with new chick so you go back to the original bird so fast that it's like you weren't really broken up?

VIDEO: Soccer's Lost Boys



I'm sure someone will find a way to twist the following statement to make me look like a prick or self-hating negro but here it is anyway: I'm tired of seeing soccer movies about poor, brown people.

Documentary makers, you know we're not a monolith right? There are well-to-do brown folks that play soccer as well. Bring your cameras down to a youth game in PG County, MD or Cascade Heights, GA if you don't believe me. Also there are disadvantaged Europeans and Asians who play soccer as well, give them some shine from time to time.

I'm not saying there shouldn't be films about underprivileged brown kids and the uplifting power of soccer. Not at all. But the frequency with which these things have dropped over the last few years is just ridiculous and extremely disproportionate. Here's a list of the titles that I can think of without Googling:
And that's just in the past year.

Seriously y'all we're dangerously close to "Magical Negro" territory with these types of films. Why do they keep getting made? At this point it is certainly not original and I've yet to see a follow up film where it shows some drastic improvement in the lives of the subjects since the original film. Come on y'all, we can do better.

RSL Insider: The Javi Morales Interview



My dude Dunny with the long-awaited Javier Morales sit-down. Good to see him on the mend because, real talk, RSL has been a ghost of itself since his injury. Hopefully we'll get to see him back in time for a playoff run through the Wasatch Front.

MLS: Coming Soon to a Convience Store Counter Near You

lotto

Have you ever stood in line at your local bodega or 7-11 clutching your 32oz. dose of high-fructose corn syrup while staring at the scratch offs and day-dreaming about the day that you could purchase your very own soccer-specific lotto tickets? I know. I have too.

MDI Entertainment has reached an agreement with MLS "to make logos and trademarks associated with MLS and its teams available to lotteries for instant games." You know what that means? More Landon Donovan in a sombrero adverts!

Maybe there will be some uber-nerdy, MLS-centric games. Games that only the hardcore could get. Games like:
  • Andy William's Scratch-Off Trade-Off: get 3 logos for any of the teams that Andy Williams has played for and win a trip to Utah or Jamaica, your choice.
  • Allocation Ace, where in lieu of a cash prize you will allocation cash for your club.
  • David's Do: match 3 David Beckham heads with the same hair cut, win lifetime supply of product.
  • Get the Goat: match 3 Chivas USA logos and your club gets their #1 spot atop the allocation order.
  • DP Dollars: match any 3 Designated Players, win $405K
  • Rookie Life: match three 2011 rookies that are still on an MLS roster , win $45K, and an apartment with 3 other dudes.

*That's a lie. I have not. Can you forgive me baby?

8.29.2011

VIDEO: What is a Soccer Fan?



What is a soccer fan? Hispanic and from the New York area, apparently.

8.28.2011

Steve Zakuani "Quote Me"



One of my favorite records of last year was Mark Ronson & the Business International's "Record Collection." The title track features Simon Le Bon (Duran Duran) on the hook and a verse by U.K. MC Wiley aka Eski Boy. Everytime I listen to that song I actually imagine Steve Zakuani doing Wiley's verse and after hearing him rap I feel like I was a visionary. Somebody needs to get him on the remix stat.

8.25.2011

Free Michael Bradley

BabyBradley

I forgot to mention this piece from The Shin Guardian the other day. Looks like Baby Bradley is in that weird European wilderness/limbo period that hit Jozy & Freddy. Shame that. The Free Michael Bradley Movement starts now!

8.24.2011

Carles Does Keane

CarlesKeane

I still haven't read a single article on Grantland to completion. Hell, I've only even tried to read one. But I'll try again for a second time later tonight as Carles from Hipster Runoff has done a Robbie Keane piece today. Not sure if it is "authentic" or if it's will spawn an era of "MLSwave" on Grantland but it is there. Read it.

Just Because: Donovan Does the History Channel



Remember Spartan Stadium? Remember when Lando had a hairline like that?

Clint Dempsey: Modelo Man



The aesthetics of this advert are just weird, right? It looks like we're in some bizzaro world where Clint plays in the FMF. Strange. Half-expect to see the dude in the bee costume come in to the shot halfway through. I guess Clint Deezy is catching up with LD and reaching "big in Mexico" status.

Now if any of the Yanks that actually play in Mexico ever get endorsement deals for Mexican or Mexican-American focused products we're going somewhere.

Umbro X Foosball



When I get cool, I'm going to be invited to things like this. Until then, I'm just going to have to hear about it after the fact from my men at TOW. Possibly for the best though that I didn't get hollered at about this as I am terrible at foosball. Last thing I need is to get my ass handed to me on tape for all the interwebs to see.

MLS Wins In Mexico. Again.



2 weeks ago I would have jumped out a window with excitement at the prospect of an MLS club coming out of Monterrey with 3 points. But since FC Dallas won a match in Mexico City just last week I'm already blahzay about it. That's not to take anything away from the Sounders achievement last night; it's just an indication of how quickly I can get spoiled.

8.23.2011

NSR: RüFüS "We Left"



I'm not too up on RüFüS but I know a delicious slice of Australian techno-pop when I hear one. Seriously, put this in your iTunes right next to the rest of the Antipoean disco all-stars --Cut Copy, Midnight Juggernauts, Miami Horror, Empire of the Sun, Ladyhawke-- and pretend that summer will last forever. For. Ever.

And While We're on the Subject of Chicago



(to the tune of Parliment-Funkadelic's Give Up the Funk)

They want the cup,
gotta have that cup!
Oooh they want the cup,
give up that cup!

Toyota Park's Tunnel Vision



You ever wonder what goes on in the tunnel in the run up to gametime? I'll tell you: it's nothing but champagne & Gatorade spritzers and all-you-can-eat crabcakes. Can you believe that sh*t? No? Good because I'm lying.

The tunnel is a place where 20 year-old keepers give pounds to white-haired security guards, cleats make an exceptionally loud sound and bro hugs are often doled out at a backstage-at-the-Source-Awards frequency. Also it may smell of sweat and cut grass.

But maybe that's just the tunnels I've been in. Here's what the tunnel at Toyota Park is like.

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?



On occasion nascent bloggers will ask me questions about blogging. While I do not feel that I'm in any way the O.G., end-all-be-all authority on this game I have been in it both personally and professionally for more than a minute now so I'm always down to share what I know.

And this much I know, today: not everyone you think is down with you is your friend. Sounds paranoid, jaded and ridiculous I know; after all we're talking about soccer blogging here, not The Real Housewives of MLS County, but don't be shocked when your "friends" say things about you in print, on Wordpress, in comments on Facebook or on Twitter that they would never say to you in real life.

Why we do this I don't know even though I've done it myself. Maybe it's just old-fashioned cowardice coupled with that weird pleasure we derive from bagging on someone else. And trust: as someone who has spent years passing judgement on people, places, organizations, and achievements I have firsthand knowledge of how easy it is to just be all "blah blah blah dude X sucks" when you think no one is watching.

Maybe that's the answer, you get what you give. Oh well. Take it away Whodini!

8.22.2011

Young Euan is Not Rapper but He is Still a Baller



From the more obscure corner of the Americans Outsourced to Europe™ file comes this fine display of 18 yard-box badassitude. Young Euan Holden may be best known for being Stuart's brother but the kid showed some balls on this one. Go on son.

NBC Goes HAM for MLS, Drops Promo During NFL Game



So this ran last night during the Cowboys - Chargers preseason NFL game last night. Looks like NBC doesn't it? Kinda feel like it should be sandwiched between promos for The Office and Community and that it's a little surreal to see the MLS logo looking all big time next to the peacock.

I guess The Don wasn't playing was he when he talked about NBC cross-marketing the hell out of MLS. If this is going to be the standard, 2012 is going to be known as "Money 12."

Portland Reserve Game Draws FC Dallas-Sized Crowd

10K

Attendance for the Dallas - Seattle match in Frisco on Saturday: 11,635. Attendance for the Portland - Vancouver RESERVE match on Sunday: 10,077. I don't care what club you follow, you can't hate on numbers like that coming out of JELD-WEN for a bench-league match. Unless you're from Seattle I guess; y'all will hate on anything from south of the Columbia River just because.

But hater-assed haters aside, that's sh!t's impressive. PDX, we see you.

8.19.2011

The Keanes Have Landed, Boon Times Ahead for TMZ



Is it just me or does Claudine look to be happier about this that both Robbie and the Riot Squad crew combined? She's positively beaming. I guess she finally got what she wanted so why not smile about it?

And what a smile it is; it's like she's the anti-Posh. So much so that TMZ is already having a field day with these two. Welcome to Los Angeles R + C.

8.15.2011

Keano to Carson

Keane

On a scale of "flacid" to "tracksuit tent", how excited are you about Robbie Keane joining the LA Galaxy? Personally I'm pretty stoked. Not as stoked as Robbie but hey, who is?

8.14.2011

8.12.2011

Gilles Peterson x Arsenal x Spike Lee



Typically I stay away from all this European soccer business that everyone seems to love but this is just pretty to look at. Plus, it's has music & Arsenal obsessive Gilles Peterson in it. If you don't know him you better ask somebody.

8.11.2011

The Biggest Midget in the Game™ x Philadelphia Union

Freddy

Time to pop bottles and hang with models, Philly fans. The Nowak/Adu reunion tour appears to be on and PPL Park is about to party like it's 2004. I wish I had a joke to insert here but I have to say that if this is a baller-ass move by Nowak; the Union just got that much closer to locking up the East.

Viva Futbol #74



Alarazboy is back. 'Bout time too as I was starting to think he'd been shutdown or deported. Viva Futbol!

A Couple of Bosses Talking MLS x NBC

Get Microsoft Silverlight

Only about 4 hours sleep last night and now I have to make my escape from Philadelphia but I thought I'd throw this out there since the new TV deal remains a hot topic. See you in NY.

Landon Donovan Would Like to Sell You a Watch



Did y'all know SEIKO was still around? I didn't. Mind you my watch game is nowhere near tight as I haven't rocked a timepiece since I got my first cellphone. But if you are into wristwear LD would like to say "psst" to you and open up his suitcase full of product for you to peruse. Nice to see him try to sell me something other than Gatorade, sneakers and children's books.

8.10.2011

U.S. v. MEX in Philly: Dunzo

KLINSMANNTANZ


Klinsmann loved it. Did you love it? I was kinda "meh." What say you? Talk to me America.

MLS x NBC



Sorry for the brief posts but a busy USvMEX day got busier. This is why.

USvMEX Tonight: Y'all Ready?



The Yanks are ready and so am I. Bring on the night.

8.09.2011

TODAY IN STADIUM P0RN: Québécois Edition

Saputo

Stade Saputo is ready for its closeup.

Studio 90, Live from the Illfifth



The USMNT is in Philly and in a few hours time I'll be there as well. If you're in town for tomorrow night's freindly, holler at me. I'm looking to hang.

8.08.2011

Mike Chabala Don't Need No Chainsaw



I'm sure Mike Chabala is down with Timber Joey but Mike Chabala does not need Timber Joey. Mike Chabala can split his own wood cotdamnit. The hell you think he is? A woodchuck or some sh*t?

Mixx Diskerud Scores in Wherever it is He Plays



Since Young Jozy, our Sacha and everyone else who plays on The Continent tried to get on the new boss' good side this weekend by throwing out a goal, here's another club from the land of World Wars: Mixx Diskerud getting one in for Stabæk. Watch it because I went through a lot of trouble to make the "æ" in "Stabæk."

VIDEO: Our Sacha Gets a Goal



Belgium is kind of boring. So are PK's. But hey a goal is a goal, particularly when it is scored by a Yank in Europe. So watch Sacha Kljestan get hacked in the box, score the ensuing kick from the spot and do a silly celebration dance if only so that you can say you to yourself "I already saw that" when it shows up in your Twitter feed.

8.07.2011

8.06.2011

Monreal Unveil New, Frenchtastic Logo



I don't know about y'all but I better tighten up my French game before next season if I'm going have any clue WTF is going on in Montreal. The Impact just released their new, MLS-ready logo and I feel like I just watched an exchange student's final project for a design class. No idea what half of that was about. Mon dieu.

8.05.2011

NSR: Mayer Hawthorne "A Long Time"



If this video doesn't make you smile your heart is as black as Kool Moe Dee's outfit. Happy Friday y'all.

Cosmos Road Show Hits Manchester Today, Vegas in Feb.

Vegas

Not content to just do their thing in the Paul Scholes testimonial match at Old Trafford today, the Cosmos organization is set to take part in something called the Vegas Winter Kick on Feb. 12th at Sam Boyd Stadium. Word out of Sin City is that the promoters, Justice Entertainment, say the opposition "will be a quality team that is recognized worldwide."

Any guesses who they'll be playing against? As it's February I won't place my chips on it being anyone from Europe so I'm going to say it will be someone from South America; as Santos showed us last year at Red Bull Arena --and RBNY showed us last week-- those guys have zero qualms about taking transcontinental trips in the middle of the season to collect a check.

I might go to this just to justify going to Vegas again. And if this turns out to be Cosmos 2.0's North American debut that might be interesting enough in and of itself since the last time a team playing under the Cosmos name hit Vegas they were A) professionals, B) played against Eusebio's Las Vegas Quicksilvers and C) somebody probably got pregnant and/or VD*.

*It was the 70's, things happened.

Muse Bassist Living My Dream, Trains with MLS Club One Day then Plays Lollapalooza the Next



Y'all mess with Muse? It's not for everybody but the former record store geek in me can't resist the arena-destroying, prog-rock preening that these guys somehow get away with. They are my generation's Rush & Queen but without the Canadianism or gay stuff (not that there is anything wrong with either).

Their bassist is Chris Wolstenholme and he can do this. He's also a bit of a footie freak who uses his status as a rock god to blag his way into practices and stadiums around the world. The most recent club that he's imposed upon is MLS' own Chicago Fire. He and his band headline Lollapalooza tonight so why not warm up with a kickabout with Franks Klopas & co.?

8.04.2011

Americans Outsourced to Europe: Josh Gatt's Goal



Who's Josh Gatt? Some U.S. U-20 kid from Michigan who plays in Norway and just balled out on this goal for Molde. Watch the defender fall when he gets into the box; fool looks like he was pushed down by a ghost. Needs to be a .gif.

Michael Lahoud is the New Old Spice Guy

Get Microsoft Silverlight

Don't you love when MLS players have a sense of humor? So refreshing.

EJ's Wife Accussed of Crashing into EJ's Car Outside Hotel

EJ

Just two days ago I asked someone where the hell Eddie Johnson was. Apparently the answer is "in hot water with his missus." Who knows what's on EJ's iPod these days but Big Pun might be back in rotation this morning.

Hopefully they can sort whatever this is out because family is a beautiful thing. Also American soccer doesn't need it's own Tiger & Elin; why does thing type of thing always happen in Florida?

8.03.2011

Men in Red Holding White Party Tomorrow Night

WhiteParty

Can't believe the Fire are having a White Party without having the foresight to invite Diddy or myself. I mean look, you can’t have a White Party without Diddy. It’s like standing in a crowded elevator and making a lame joke (“Everybody suck in.”); it’s not coolest thing, it's just the done thing.

My absence is probably for the best though as I’d be inclined to dress like Moon Safari-era Air, dance to music that may not be appropriate for a man of my age and drink up all the champers in Chicago, which would kind of be a douche move with New Year’s Eve less than 6 months away.

But you guys in the Chi should go in my (and Diddy’s) stead. And take photos. Lots of boozy, white-washed, baller-assed photos.

FIFA12 Goes Street, Gets a Co-Sign from Drake & Lil Wayne



Drake, Weezy and nationally-ranked Connor Chinn in the same advert? One of these things is in no way like the other. And by that I mean one of these guys would probably get in trouble for talking publicly about guns & drugs use and calling people by the "N" word. The other two? They just get rich for doing it. The world is a funny place.

VIDEO: Portland v LA Night Cap Tonight



Think about this for a second: the last time LA lost an MLS game Amy Winehouse, Osama Bin Laden and the Whitecaps' playoff hopes were all still alive*. They've been crushing it that long and may very well continue to bully people all the way 'til November. Watch out Portland, the behemoth rolls in to your town --and America's living rooms-- tonight.

*Too soon?

Remember When Tommy Heinemann Fronted Wolfmother?

Wolfmother

They'll never top the MSTRKRFT remix of "Woman"* so he may as well try and win the Eastern Conference.

*That link has boobies & blow in it. Probably not the best look for watching on the job unless your job is working for Dov Charney, Eliot Spitzer or Dominique Strauss-Kahn.

B.C. Place: It's Getting There



Even though Vancouver's season has been about as successful on the field as Knight & Day was at the box-office, it's nice to know they have something to look forward to. Obviously that "something" is not the playoffs; instead it's the late-season opening of their permanent home, B.C. Place.

Have a look inside the under-construction enormodome in the clip above. It's big but it's downtown so there's a good chance that the end result will resemble Seattle more than New England. There is also a good chance that rural types will mistake it for a grounded spacecraft.

NSR: Some Late-Night Lasciviousness with The Weeknd



It's midnight. What better time to watch footage from The Weeknd's 1st-ever live show? I know @IamFaux is going to hate on me for loving this but this record really is the finest piece of narco-pop/sex-hop this year.

8.02.2011

David Beckham Has No Regrets

Becks

Becks has no regrets about coming to America. Not even this haircut. But in all seriousness, this is probably the most MLS-centric interview with our David we've seen since his first season here. But why do they have to bring up the chicken?

NSR: Miami Knights Mix



In honor of Barcelona going H.A.M. with ticket sales to tomorrow night's match in Miami, here's a mini-mix of robotic, 80's-tinged bangers mixed by Vazetti that are South Beach ready. Turn it up and watch in wonder as your officemates contemplate if you took ecstasy for lunch.

Merritt Paulson Can't Stop, Won't Stop Signing Autographs



Three takeaways from this clip of Timbers bankroller Merritt Paulson signing stickers for Portland fans.
  1. Portland may be about to sign someone big. That or they are F-ing us.
  2. Merritt Paulson has a little thug in him. Or at enough to listen to "Forever" at the office.
  3. Somebody in the Rose City understands the importance of "Helvetica." So it's not just me.

Brek-ing Bad



Is this the first Brek Shea mixtape out there? If so I am shocked. 723, where you at?

8.01.2011

Thierry Henry's Beard Is Overwhelming



There's some big, convoluted marketing message that goes with this clip but I can't be assed to go along with it because Thierry Henry's beard looks so outlandishly, distractingy lush in the video still. Seriously, I haven't seen a beard so black, so luxurious since Barry White died.

I bet that s*** smells ridiculous too, like fine musk & fresh leather. I wonder if he oils it? He has to, right? It probably feels like virgin panda fur; so soft that brushing it would do more harm than good. Shame he cut it off though as he was probably only a season away from getting that much-coveted Just for Men endorsement.

Nike x Arsenal x Spike Lee



European soccer that does not involve Americans Outsourced to Europe™ does not often hold my attention. Also, Spike Lee makes some great films but on occasion says some things I do not agree with. Good thing this clip is short then because 26 seconds is about all the time I have for this, despite the fact that it is positively glistening with Nike's stylish, indelible sheen.

H/T Hypebest via Wong Wong.

Wrong Section, Right Time



Awesome recovery here. Might be the best fake to occur beyond the bedroom of an unhappy marriage this year.