6.30.2010

Your Released Salvadorian Players Update

Julio

If you or someone you love is A) Salvadorian and B) on the roster of a Major League Soccer team right now, I would urge you to get your affairs in order before nightfall. Apparently y'all are now as out of fashion as The Game, DMX and Ja Rule combined and are getting dropped from team rosters as fast as these guys got dropped from label rosters.

Christian Castillo got it yesterday. They say Ramon Sanchez is going to get it soon. And the Fire just gave it to Julio Martinez. Now, I'm not making fun of their unemployment (that sh*t is whack, I know from experience) but I'm just saying three in three days is officially a trend. I said it before and I'll say it again: Arturo Alvarez, watch your back.

Landon Donovan Takes Manhattan Pt. 3



The full-field PR press from Landon Donovan continues. Stop #3: Regis & Kelly. Can you believe Regis actually asks if he played for any other team before he played for the U.S.? Yes, you can; Regis has dementia.

And for you Lando-to-Man City conspiracy theorists out there, please note the jersey that Kelly's kid is wearing; it ain't Everton's.

Pacific Northwest Rivalry Is Back (Just Like McRib!)

History

Y'all ready for the American soccer equivalent of Miley Cyrus vs. Demi Lovato? Good because Portland & Seattle are going to go at it tonight at PGE Park and there is a good chance that it ain't gonna be pretty.

If you can't make it to the match due to lack of funds, you can watch it at PortlandTimbers.com. Or if you don't live in Oregon, you can watch it live on PortlandTimbers.com. Or if you are one of those people who are just so improbably big that you can't leave your house, you can watch it at PortlandTimbers.com. Sensing a theme here?

Photo courtesy of GoalSeattle.com.

Landon Donovan Takes Manhattan Pt. 2



Check out the that blazer y'all. Looks like he stole that from the old props closet for Miami Vice. But that's not what's awesome here. What's awesome is that Harry Smith seems to actually know what he's talking about unlike David Letterman. Mind you Letterman is funnier but still it's nice to see one of the morning TV heavyweights do Donovan right.

NSR: Chiddy Bang "Opposite of Adults"



Y'all can keep all that Drake sh*t. This is where I'm at right now as far as that hippity-hop music goes. This is what that Kid Cudi/MGMT collabo should have sounded like. So is this (although it's actually Passion Pit on the hook).

They've been bubbling for a while now but I'm telling you, sooner or later they're going blow. And can we please get a "South Philly Represent"-tour with these kids and The Roots?

What With the Clearance Sale on Salvadorans?

Ramon

Just a day after D.C. United released El Salvador international midfielder Christian Castillo, the San Jose Earthquakes are alleged to be parting ways with his national team captain Ramon Sanchez. Cotdamn it there no love for the people from "Republic of the Savior?" Watch your back Arturo Alvarez.

Landon Donovan Takes Manhattan Pt. 1



Well hell. If David Letterman isn't going to ask about the alleged baby momma drama, no one will. You think Regis is going to go there? Or one of those stiffs on Fox Business News? Hell-to-the-no. But we did get to see LD taking shots at an NYC taxi on behalf of all of us who have ever had to deal with a smelly/surly/refused to take a credit card/refused to pick you up/refused to get off the phone cab driver, so it wasn't a total waste.

And is just me or does Letterman look totally huge next to Lando? I know LD is a petite guy and all but Jesus does he look like a fun-sized version of himself next to Letterman. I'll bet you $3.45, a Bobby Rhine rookie card and El Pibe's mustache trimmings that he could fully fit inside the breast pocket of the host's blazer like a human pocket-square.

6.29.2010

Sounders FC - A Storybook Season



If you bleed rave green and have 27+ minutes on your hands this video is for you. Unless you, quite literally, have green blood; in that case you should use the spare time to see a physician.

But assuming you are in good health, check out this documentary on the Sounders first season. It's pretty good stuff providing you are not a Portland or Vancouver fan. Watch it or Kasey Keller will come to your house to talk metal all night. Wait, that might be kind of awesome actually.

D.C. Clears Some Roster Space

Castillo

So D.C. United released Christian Castillo. No, wait. Let me do that over.

So D.C. United released Christian Castillo already? Didn't this fool just get here? I thought Kevin Payne was "confident that he will do a tremendous job" for DC? And didn't a lot of people say he was going to be MLS Jesus to the local Salvadorian community and bring them out to RFK in droves? Guess not. Branko Bošković, you are now on the clock.

Photo of the Day: Crack Kills In South Africa



Don't hold back now Portuguese fans, tell us how you really feel about your neighbor.

Juan Pablo Angel, You Are Wrong For This



This just wasn't right. As a goalkeeper you never want to find yourself in a situation where you can see the back of a striker's jersey and the front of your goal at the same timw. But that's pretty much what happened to Jimmy Nielsen on Saturday night courtesy of the dancing feet of Juan Pablo Angel. Doesn't he know that it's impolite to embarrass someone in their own house?

Warning: This Post Contains Mature-ish Content



I get the jist of this advert and appreciate the spirit of it. I also enjoyed the playful editing. But really, who buys a brand of condom called "Jiffi?" Doesn't really bode well for your chances of lasting through the England '66 starting XI does it?

6.26.2010

Photo of the Day: All Your Gran's Favorites Love Soccer



Wolf Blitzer showing off pics on his phone while Katie Couric and Bill Clinton look on in the AARP suite in Rustenberg. A slice of Geritol-fuled World Cup magic.

Ferry St. Tackles the Tough Questions



Yesterday on my way to the Portugal-Brazil viewing party at Red Bull Arena I stopped over in the Ironbound section of Newark to witness the insanity that was going down at every single, bar, restaurant, social club, coffeeshop and laundromat in the area. Seriously, the spot was on fire. Sh*t was like Carnival, Mardi Gras and St. Patty's day rolled into one big Lusophone orgy of sangria pitchers, facepainting and old-country patriotism.

It seemed like every third person had on either a CR7 or Fat Ronaldo jersey so I got to asking stupid questions like "Who's better: Ronaldo in his prime or Cristiano Ronaldo now?" The answers may surprise you. And if they don't, just watch the bonus footage and go about your day.

6.25.2010

This Is How You Know Soccer Is Big in The USA



The cover of the evening edition of today's New York Post. We have now officially entered the tabloid era of MLS. Amazing.

The Roof, The Roof, K.C.'s Roof Is...

KCTOR

So this is what the Wizards new park is actually going to look like. No more artist renderings, no more architects blueprints...this is what they are getting and it's pretty damn special. Where would you place it in the pantheon of MLS stadia? Having only seen this, my premature evaluation places it in a tie for third with Rio Tinto Stadium behind Red Bull Arena and the HDC.

Steve Nash Gets a Reminder Why His Family Left South Africa

Get Microsoft Silverlight

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SF Will Be H-Town Down Next Month

Get Microsoft Silverlight

H-town, the 2010 MLS All Star Game is coming and so am I. If you are down for shenanigans holler at me and perhaps we can get it in; there's going to be loads of events and random doings going on so I'm trying to get a feel for who's going to be around...dance card is going to fill up quick!

6.24.2010

Photo of the Day: Stanky Landon

Stanky

This is the one photo of Lando that hasn't made the papers in the past 24 hours. Probably because the man doesn't want to accept that the sport of the suburbs is now so ghetto that it's poster boy is down with the worst hood dance since "the Roger Rabbit." Thank you Charlie Davies.

RBNY To Host Massive Brazil-Portugal Watch Party at Red Bull Arena

ViewingParty_Postcard_ENG

Tomorrow brings about what for my money is the last must-see match of group stage of this World Cup: Brazil v. Portugal. If you are in the NY/NJ area Red Bull Arena, less than a mile from one of the largest Brazilian & Portuguese neighborhoods in the country, is the place to be. Tickets are free and they're expecting a crowd of over 4K and will have the game on the stadium's big screens as well as in the stadium clubs. I'll be there, holler at me you decide to come through.

Krzysztof Krol is The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™

Krol

In a move that shakes the very foundation that The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™ is built upon, I am bestowing the title upon the Chicago Fire's Krzysztof Krol on a week where he didn't even play. But he wins this week for being a playa', not so much for being a player.

In 7 weeks the Polish defender A) hollered at Playboy Playmate Patrycja Mikula on Facebook, B) got her to go out with him and C) married her. And in case you can't grasp it from the photo above she's hot. Like hotter than the element that his team is named after "hot". Congratulations my son...and welcome to the church & state-approved thunderdome that is matrimony.

The Giuseppe Rossi Fan Club Perplexes Me



I saw a lot of random and interesting things yesterday at Steve Nash's Showdown in Chinatown. B-baller Nate Robinson dropping off crosses and attacking from the wing like his name was Thierry Henry. A huddle of NBA wives. Youri Djorkaeff blasting one off the crossbar from 2o+ yds out like it was 1998. Phoenix Suns forward Jared Dudley scoring and celebrating by scaling a fence.

But nothing was more intriguing/disturbing/perplexing than the sight of a gaggle of young New Yorkers -including one in a U.S. soccer kit- cheering and chanting for Giuseppe Rossi. In all honesty I actually thought he'd be the recipient of a barrage of boos by U.S. supporters high on post-Algeria glory but surprisingly there wasn't a peep from the haters.

Seriously, the sh*t was weird. Frustrating too because watching Rossi from the endline just left of goal you could see that the dude has skill that the USMNT doesn't possess outside of Donovan & perhaps Dempsey. Oh well though; he's playing in celebrity pick-up games while the Yanks are winning their group and heading to the round of 16. And after Italy's debacle against Slovakia today I'm sure he might be doing a bit of soul searching in regard to his off-the-field decision-making abilities.

How to Make Your Head Explode in 6 Seconds Flat (Or Irony Overload)



There is just so much that is wrong with this.

The Greatest Prediction Video in the History of New Jersey is Now Prophecy



So a week & a half ago these guys looked like idiots and now they look like idiot savants. Amazing. If this isn't evidence enough that MTV & ESPN need to collaborate on the first-ever mash-up TV show which combines Jersey Shore and the World Cup I don't what is. Ratings gold people, ratings gold.

Top Skills Number 24



You know we haven't had one of these in a while and I figure a display all-out showboating is the prefect thing to help keep you on that post-Algeria high that we're all riding right now. Having said that though the presence of late-period LL Cool J on this mixtape just might be the thing to bring you down. If so, my apologies. May I suggest turning down the volume on the video while putting "Milky Cereal" on blast; should do the trick.

6.23.2010

Weezer "Represent"



Put it on blast y'all. Wake the neighbors and tear the club up!

Video: The Scene in Kansas City



The scene in K.C. after L.D. scored; something tells me he'll get a hero's welcome the next time the Galaxy head out that way.

The Name is Donovan, Mr. Donovan



Jeremy Schapp starts the post-game interview by calling Lando "Mr. Donovan." You cotdamn right he's Mr. Donovan today. And Mr. Donovan can cry all he wants today and nobody better say a thing about it. A stoppage-time World Cup game-winner comes around only once and that's if you are lucky or a badass. And today Mr. Donovan is both.

LD: From Zero to Hero in Less Than 2 Minutes

LD

Around the 88th minute I started to write a "Where the hell was Landon Donovan in the Second-Half?"-post. Can you believe that sh*t? Dude had all but disappeared for the final 45 minutes and then...bang. Ladies & gents this is how you do it big. This is how you earn & keep a rep for being the go-to guy. This is clutch. This is Landon Donovan.

Gameday: Koreatown NYC



I went to Koreatown yesterday for the South Korea-Nigeria match. Good times. Just walking down the street over there felt like it was 2002 all over again. This is what I love about watching the World Cup in New York; the only place to be if you can't make it to the actual event.

Pacific NW Border War is Back!



The U.S. Open Cup just got interesting y'all. One of my all-time favorite rivalries, the Portland-Seattle beef, is getting trotted out one last time before the Timbers join the Sounders in MLS next season; somewhere in downtown Portland, a Timbers ticket sales rep is dreaming of the fat commission check this game is sure to bring him.

While I'm certain that supporters of both sides are as happy as a tween at a Twilight party in Justin Bieber's basement about this, as an alleged neutral I'm pretty stoked as well. And if you're a fan of the American game, how can you not be? It's not often that footie-freaks in this country get to see skirmishes from 35 years ago relived by the same two teams on the same field in this country. Hopefully this one gets picked up for TV like last year's Open Cup meeting; beef this tasty is meant to be shared.

6.22.2010

College Humor Tackles the Robert Green Debacle



A little late on this one but a good laugh knows no expiration date. Milk is another story entirely though.

Portuguese Fans, Yesterday



This is Ferry St. in Newark, NJ following Portugal's spanking of the Kim Jong Il XI yesterday. So guess where I am going to watch the Portugal-Brazil match?

Westside!!! LA Galaxy Get Hoodtastic Mixtape Treatment.

LAMix

See this is what I am talking about. In life there are certain combinations that are just magic: PB&J, Snoop Dogg & Dr. Dre, Jack & Coke, Lyndsay Lohan & substances, Chris Klein & Glock 9's. Wait what?

So this DJ out of Randomsberg, Belgium just dropped a mixtape called "LA Galaxy" composed of 100% street official, Slauson-approved trunk-rattlers. Sadly there are no guest verses from Cobi Jones or Clint Mathis but Snoop, Ice Cube, Shawty Lo, The Game & Dr. Dre are all up in this sh*t like Charmin so you should get it in; this is the soundtrack to your next trip to Carson.

For a MInute There I Thought Steve Nash Was Going to Be the Only One Playing in His Charity Match

Rossi

Steve Nash's annual Showdown in Chinatown is tomorrow at Sara D. Roosevelt Park in NYC and guess what player is the first to have his name leaked out as a participant? Yeah, this guy. How do I know? Because this other guy asked and that guy answered. I know some people have very strong opinions of this guy but all I am going to say is that if you are heading out there tomorrow night please bear in mind that this is a charity event. That is all.

6.21.2010

Rutgers-Newark is Better Than Your College



I might have enjoyed the academic portion of college a lot more if I had classes that took field trip's to old-school social clubs to watch World Cup games. But alas my school didn't offer the Global History of Soccer course that Rutgers-Newark does. But we did have this awesome little band called Lift to Experience so it all kind of evens out.

What Team Does Susan Lucci Play For? Italy?

Emmy

Can the World Cup be nominated for a Daytime Emmy in the category of Best Drama? Probably not but I think a case could be made for it if it were considered as a mini-series. We've had giant killings, blowouts, goalkeeper gaffes, a locker-room invasion, and officiating controversy. There is a team with a despot dictator who calls the coach on the sideline. A banker played against Italy the other day. And we certainly can't forget the French, whose story is so wild that it should have its own spinoff.

This is why I love the World Cup; any event that can turn the greatest sport on earth into something worthy of discussion in my wife's hair salon and my local ghetto convenience store (solitary cigarettes and scratch-off cards anyone?) is alright by me. If only there was a league on earth that could generate storylines like this on the regular, then we'd be on to something.

Andy Barron is Doing it Because We Can't



Here's video of New Zealand's Andy Barron coming on against Italy over the weekend. A banker by trade, dude is doing it for all of us who spend our days filing things, running reports and carrying out any number of mind-numbing office tasks for a living instead of giving it to the defending world champions. Bravo sir; I see "folk hero" replacing "banker" in your future very soon.

American Fan Killed, Brother Hospitalized in South Africa



If you'll let me take a break from the usual shenanigans for something very serious this morning I would appreciate it. Last night my grandmother told me about the children of a couple she once worked with at a hospital in my ancestral home of Lafayette, LA who were at the World Cup. Last Tuesday 24 year-old Nicole Murphy -a four-year starter for the 2007 D2 Championship U. of Tampa women's soccer team- and her 19 year-old brother Brian were struck by a car in South Africa. Nicole did not survive while Brian is in critical condition in South Africa.

To get Brian back to the States in his condition will require a specially-outfitted ICU medical jet at the cost of $300,000. The Murphy family is in need of help to meet this cost and are seeking donations to get their son (and daughter) home. I can't speak for the family but anything you can do to help would probably be appreciated; I'm sure we, the American soccer community, can do something to help get 2 of our own home.

You Know You Have Made it in Jersey...



...not when NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams profiles you but when Nino from the pizza place co-signs for you in said profile. Tim Howard, stand up!

6.18.2010

Video: Joe Biden Talks Soccer From South Africa



I kept waiting for Ol' Joe to do something kooky in this but he doesn't. Just a good straight-ahead stump for soccer and bringing the World Cup back to the States.

I am kind of surprised at how quick he rattles off the numbers though; surely there is a cue card on the other side of that camera.

If We Could Take a Break From Coulibaly-Bashing for a Moment...



...I'd like to acknowledge Lando's world-class, all-balls banger. This is a thing of beauty that we haven't seen enough of but we'll hopefully get a few more glimpses at against Algeria. This is what happens when the Angry Baby wakes up; the question is "how do we keep him from going to sleep again like he did in the first 45 minutes of today's game?"

Referee Real Talk on ExtraTime Radio Today

Muggings

So let me get this straight Koman Coulibaly, you can't tell us what you saw that made you call back the goal but it wasn't any of the multiple muggings taking place in the image above? Um, OK.

If you've got a bit of "ref-rage" left in you at 5pm (and I'm sure you will) I implore you to call in to ExtraTime Radio today. Just dial 888-MLS-Goal and listen LIVE at MLSsoccer.com. One of today's guests will be former World Cup referee Arturo Angelis so It'll be interesting to see what he and everybody else has to say about today's #1 trending topic on Twitter. Just keep it clean kids...however hard that may be.

Thank You Serbia...

Sadness

Thank you Serbia for bringing about a return of Der Sadness. Sad German fans always puts a smile on my face. After our neighbors to the south, that is easily the team I loathe the most. Now, if the U.S. can defeat their reformed communist opposition this morning the day will be very tolerable. Let's get it Yanks.

Inside the Pro: Clint Dempsey



"Wherever there was a team and it was legal for me to play, I played."

Only Deuce can get away with making a statement like that without coming across like a total & complete douchetard because --let's face it-- he's the guy on the team most likely to have warrants out. He's also the guy on the team with Weezy-esque levels of swagger and I can't hate on him for that. In fact I love him for that.

Also watch this clip closely for an appearance by Chuck D. Is this the first time he's appeared in any Nike or U.S. Soccer clips since the accident?

6.17.2010

One Thing We Can't Even Tie England On



World Cup anthems. No one does it better than the English. This is this year's best effort courtesy of Dizzy Rascal. It's no "World in Motion" or even "Vindaloo" but it beats anything anyone else has dropped.

Casillas Grilled By Girlfriend: File Under "Awkward"



Iker Casillas has a girlfriend who is a Spanish sports reporter. She is also hot and being blamed by some for Spain's loss to the dreaded Swiss yesterday. She also had to interview him after the game and why he let the goal in. Here is the transcript courtesy of the esteemed Deadspin Translation Service Ltd.

‘How did you muck that up?', she asked, leaving the Real Madrid star squirming in embarrassment.

‘I don't know what to say,' he said, unable to look her in the eye. ‘I don't know if this defeat will have consequences. The dressing room is fed up.'

I would kill to know how what was said between the two of them when the camera cut. Something tells me it might not have been pretty.

I'm Only Upset About This Because I Am Now Older Than Henry



Are we really talking about Henry's legacy on ESPN right now? The man is only 32 years old; unless this is a conversation about his kid getting into a frat or private school, it's way too soon to be using that word in regard to Ti-Ti. Especially if the rumors pan out and he comes to New York...why you would want to frame dude as being old just before the inevitable wave of SportsCenter/PTI/Around the Horn/MLS Primetime hype washes ashore is beyond me? Can't help the cause one bit.

6.16.2010

Soccer Holds Presser, Admits Homosexuality



Well well. Looks like we're out of the closet and I for one am thrilled. I typically wouldn't say this but it is nice to see Soccer follow Baseball's lead (Baseball admitted in 2007 that bunts were gay*). In solidarity with this revelation I will now admit the following:
  • Behavior was the Pet Shop Boys best album.
  • I once owned a pair of white DNKY trousers with drawstrings on the ankle.
  • On the rare occasion I do read Playboy it is for the articles.
Those are all true statements. And in all seriousness, when are we going to have a male soccer player come out? We've had loads of ladies out in the open but nothing from the fellas. There's got to be somebody out there; hopefully one day they'll let us know because I think it would really help us get over our sh*t.

*Please be advised that use of the word "gay" in this post is to denote a sexual preference and is in no way judgmental; use of the term in a pejorative manner violates one of the few editorial guidelines for The Offside Rules as set forth by the author/lead jackass.

Photo of the Day/Stadium P0rn: Empire Fields

Empire

I know I made the joke months ago but seriously, if the Whitecaps could just box their already-complete temporary stadium up and send it to D.C. or New England when they are done with it that would be just swell. After flipping through this photo album and realizing that this was built in less than 3 months I'm convinced that those two would better off in a small "erector set" place than an over-sized football stadium.

6.15.2010

Photographic Proof that Peter Crouch is a Freak of Nature

Crouch

Should there be rules against mutants in sports? Like human pipe cleaners in soccer or six-fingered pitchers in baseball? Maybe the evil Colonel in The X-Men was on to something.

6.14.2010

90 Minutes in 90 Seconds: USA v. England!



"How can you be bored with Brooklyn?" The man has a point. And when Chef Ross and the guys at Woodwork are involved, boredom is not an option.

The Garden State Still Has Some Nice Italian Boys (& an Elusive "Afro-Guido") Who Support the USA.



I went to Seaside Heights today to watch the Italy game. I didn't see Snooki or The Situation but these class acts were hanging out in front of their place and did me the honor of giving their opinions on the Italian chances in South Africa. And because they are U.S.A all the way I will do them the favor of withholding my opinion on their chances of ever bedding someone with self-esteem. Forza Jersey y'all.

Bob & Michael Aren't the Only Bradleys to Deal With Lions

Lion

I don't know if there are three of them, but Jeff Bradley has lions outside his door. I can honestly say that's one thing that the U.S. won't be able to offer if we host the World Cup again. Then again though we do offer Detroit so I think we may be even on the danger factor.

Crayons: Not Just for Drawing on Construction Paper

Crayons

Creativity often manifests itself in the re-purposing of an object for use in an unintended manner. Vietnamese artist Diem Chau did just that with a collection of sculptures carved from crayons created for Nike's World Cup press kit. Check out wee, tiny homages to (L to R) Robinho of Brazil, Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal, Fabio Cannavaro of Italy, Wayne Rooney of England, Didier Drogba of Ivory Coast, Franck Ribéry of France.

6.13.2010

Inside The Pro: Michael Bradley



I love Michael Bradley. How can I not? He's like having a Gattuso that's actually a scoring threat. If only the government would authorize human cloning just long enough to make another one of him to play along side him.

6.12.2010

Photo of the Day (If Not Year)

Obama

Obama beams, Beckham steams. Love it.

Timbo Takes The Needle, U.S. Take a Point



So to recap: England's keeper gives the Yanks a goal while the American keeper was on drugs in the second half and still won Man of the Match. On the score sheet it's a tie but that there is a win folks. Go on with your bad self America.

John Travolta Visits Australia's Socceroos



Why?!

6.11.2010

Sacha Says TTFN.



Is it just me or has his mustache somehow managed to get dirtier now that he's moving to the land of Van Damme?

Blowing Out Your Knee: Sucks for Fans as Much as Players



This is a guy celebrating the South Africa goal today...and he will feel it tomorrow.

Q: What's The Best Way To Promote a Possibly Unwatchable Tom Cruise Vehicle in a World Cup Year?



A: CGI his ass (along with Cameron Diaz's) into Tominho.

I'm still not going to see this movie though. Soz.

5 American Dollars Says That He Doesn't Get To Have Sex in This Bed



The fact that grown-assed men sleep in beds like this is reason enough to beat England tomorrow. C'mon boys, do it for Ethan Allen.

The Daily Show Goes to Camp...USMNT Camp!



One of the most entertaining things about being in Princeton for USMNT camp a few weeks ago was talking with John Oliver from The Daily Show and Community. I'm going to break ranks with #HateEnglandWeek and admit that the dude is funny as hell. Too bad he's a Liverpool fan, we could be friends. And unlike many other Brit reporters, at least when he belittles the Yanks we know that he's doing it to be funny, not to be a pompous ass.

[H/T Goffinho]

6.10.2010

This Is How You Lose You Job, Spouse & Mind



Do you have ESPN Mobile TV? I don't. But oh do I want it before tomorrow.

Sacha Kljestan Going Gaye

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Looks like Sacha is officially gone. I wish him the best and here's a mixtape tribute to prove it. But what I really want to know is what's going to happen with Jamielee? I know she's got that bigtime role on Entourage in the upcoming season so what are y'all going to do? Long distance love or is she moving...to...Belgium? Whatever y'all decide, good luck. And enjoy the chocolate, waffles, beer and mussels since food is the best thing the Belgians have going.

I'll tell you this though before you go questioning a move to Belgium: it worked for Marvin Gaye. In the 70's dude was riding high on the success of masterpieces like What's Going On, Mercy Mercy Me, and Let's Get It On but by the end of the decade he was divorced, broke, coked out and living in van. So he left the States for Ostend, BE.

What happened next? Dude wrote "Sexual Healing", your folks probably made you while listening to it and his career got back on track*. Now our Sacha isn't in any place bordering on a Marvin-level of shambolic but we'd be lying to ourselves if we didn't acknowledge that he --much like this blog-- has been a little off his game lately. If Belgium can fix Marvin Gaye, it can certainly get Sacha back to his old swashbuckling self.

*Until his father, a cross-dressing preacher, shot him dead upon his return to Los Angeles.

Martin Nash Looks Dour, Models New Whitecaps Jersey

Caps

So what do y'all think of Vancouver's new MLS kits? Personally I'm feeling that all white one with the thin hoops. As for the shiny background of the blue one...I'm not too sure about that. It seems like it would look really dated really quickly. It also looks hella tight (as in "way-too-fitted", not as in "in looks real cool.")

The Only U.S. Hype Video You Need To See



I'm not a judge in The Shin Guardian's "Don't Tread" video contest but that still won't deter me from declaring this video the winner. Collin Chapman --the creator of this video-- should change his name to O.J. Simpson because he needs to just go on and admit that he killed it.

Steve Nash Possibly Glory-Seeking/Supporting the U.S?



Damn Canada, I think your boy Nash has gone native. I feel for you but I have to say the badge and number 10 shirt look good on him. And hey, you still have Martin right?

"Twenty-Twenty-Twenty Four Hours to Go-Oh, I Wanna Be Sedated..."



Pre-World Cup madness anthem of the hour. We're almost there people...hold on just a little bit longer.

Press Pass Discuss THE Game



Here are three people with accents discussing the "massive Group C clash between the United States and England." Two of them I have never heard of and appear to be English so in the spirit of the joke that is #HateEnglandWeek I will completely ignore what they have to say on the matter. But Janusz Michalik doesn't have the Queen on his money so I'll hear him out.

6.09.2010

NSR: Washed Out "You & I"



Forget what ya heard about summer madness; Washed Out just dropped a new track so 2010 looks like a repeat of 2009 so it's all about summer sadness. If you see a dude all blissed out and emotional while contemplating life, the universe & everything under a beach umbrella at the shore this summer, it's me. And it's Washed Out's fault.

Between this joint and the new Band of Horses, South Carolina has got my iTunes on lock through Labor Day. London & New York, you are officially slippin'; get your sh*t together.

Video: The Transformation of Ronaldo



I'm sure there is joke to be made in here somewhere playing on the word "transformation" and it's relation to Ronaldo's past exploits with some of Brazil's most exclusive gender-bending "ladies" but I am just to wrapped up in watching Lando's "Homecoming" to make it.

Another Month, Another New FIFA Game

FIFA11

Damn EA Sports, I love you but can you just give us a minute to breath? FIFA World Cup 2010 South Africa just came out last month and y'all are already releasing screen shots and a press release for FIFA11; hell, I haven't even come close to figuring out all of the improvements and tweaks that you guys put into FIFA210 and now you're talking about "Personality+, an all-new feature that sees individual abilities reflected in game, enabling clear differentiation for every player." You're killing me guys.

Seriously, it's just too much. It's like you are trying to get me divorced and quite frankly with my sometimes lax housekeeping, chronic snoring & ever-growing waistline I can do that on my own. So hold off on trying to tally another assist, please.

Hey Look! It's Tony from Jersey!



American soccer icon Tony Meola recently surfaced in Los Angeles along with fellow 1994 World Cup ballers Cobi Jones, Tab Ramos & Marcelo Balbo to play against celebrities like Michelle Rodriguez, Sen Dog from Cypress Hill and Akon (he had the defense "Locked Up") in MTV Tres Rock n' Gol celebrity soccer debacle. From what little I've seen it looks like it was kinda fun and I kinda with I was there to see Tony wear the number 10 shirt...I wonder if it had calamari stains on it?

Must-Have iPhone App: FlickGol



It can't be anywhere near as addictive as Kickswerve --but really, what is--but this looks like a good way to kill some time on the subway, in the lobby of the free clinic, during your corruption trial or while waiting for the last 5 minutes of the bass fishing show to go off the air before the MLS match starts on ESPN2.

Video: The Cape Town "Clean Up"



I hate to keep bringing up old stuff nor do I want to sound like I have a chip on my shoulder but the whole "Blikkiesdorp" thing down in South Africa is just really whack to me. If you're going to have the brass to put people in a place like this at least have the spine to say what it really is and why you are doing it; Cape Town, you get a straight red for this one.

6.08.2010

Back in the Day Video: Damani Ralph Hat-Trick



Did Rob Stone ever have a beef with Damani Ralph? Or maybe a drinking problem? We all know that Stoner can be a little over the top in the booth but he's yellin' and talkin' about throwing things at the dude like an angry drunk or something.

I think he and Max Bretos should have an excited announce-off. Just lock the two of them in the booth with a 90 minute "Best Of" mix-tape of early Barcelona-era Ronaldinho exploits and let 'em get to hollerin'; first one to go hoarse to the point of spiting blood loses, winner gets a lifetime supply of Throat Coat tea.

Saaaaaaay, Aren't You Supposed to be Injured?



Here is Becks at England training in South Africa repeatedly hitting a ball hard enough that if it where a melon he would have put his cleat through it. Surely this is against doctor's orders. Oh wait, that's the doctor telling him "No! I already told you...keepy uppy and nothing else".

I swear even the already injured will find a new way to be injured at this World Cup.

[H/T DT]

They Tried Make Gooch go to Rehab and He Said "Let's Go, Go, Go"



I'm going to admit something that may result in me losing several readers but I am more than OK with that because unlike some folks who like to talk soccer on the web I really could give a rat's ass about traffic; this is art cotdamnit! So here is my confession: I love Coldplay. It's shocking, I know.

But for all their knicker-melting sincerity and hummable tunes there is the bad side to Coldplay: their success now makes paino-laden sad-bastard music a must for any quasi-emotional story committed to video. Half-way through this clip we get to hear the sad sounds of some Chris Martin-esque ivory tinkling as Gooch undergoes what what surely a brutal rehab regiment in Delaware. Personally I think we need the workout classic "Eye of the Tiger" on blast while he's busting his ass to be ready for South Africa, but that's just me.

Video: MLS Final Kick Week 11



Relive MLS Week 11 the way God intended: on a piece of flash video emanating from an ESPN server.

Video: Whitecaps Logo Unveiling



In case you missed the live broadcast here's the presentation of the Whitecaps new look, which I am on record as being down with; Evil Bert, however, has yet to weigh in.

Today in Random American Player Outsourcing Rumors

Adu

There is loose talk of The Biggest Midget in the Game making a move to Southampton. 6 years ago the Saints were basking in the warm, champagne-soaked glow of the Premiership; now they wallow upon the stale beer-stained floor that is League One.

I know Freddy would love to play in England but c'mon man, if he does this there is no way to deflect the "Adu is washed up" talk (which I personally don't agree with). Plus it's #HateEnglandWeek so you just can't do it without getting charged with treason.

The Ralston Return: A Run-On Sentence by SF

Ralston

You ever date somebody for a long-ass time then get nostalgic for your old high school girlfriend, find her via Facebook, break up with your main chick to go back to your hometown to be with her, then realize that she's not as hot as you remember her & has loads of debt so you end back with your main girl thinking "maybe I should have stayed here in the first cotdamn place." This is exactly like that.

I'm Sure There's a Reason I Wasn't Invited to Freddy Adu's South Beach Birthday Party



If this is what was playing on the video screen's at Freddy Adu's 21st birthday party at Miami Beach's Mansion on "Striptease Sunday" this past weekend, I must have video and/or photos of the actually partying/stripping off that went down. Surely somebody documented something and now is not the time to hold back. Give it up.

Video: An American Soccer Fan



Maybe I'm hearing this wrong but did this guy manage to tie High Fructose Corn Syrup consumption into his reasoning on why soccer's popularity in America is not greater than it is? Outstanding...I love a good conspiracy theory.

6.07.2010

Two Unlikely Players Don the U.S. Kit (and They Aren't Buddle & Gomez)



Are you a U.S. fan who is a little nervous about injured striker Jozy Altidore and not-quite-100% Oguchi Onyewu? Watch this clip and gain a little perspective; there are striker’s out there with injuries that are far more serious and worse (although just as big) defensive options.

If You Are a True Friend You Will Do Me This Favor



If you bleed red, white & blue, and want to be BFF's with the old boy SF you will do me this favor: if you are near a computer during the U.S.-England match on Saturday Tweet, blog and/or Facebook status update this clip every time the U.S. socres. Alternatively you could forward the link on to everyone you know who has a National Health card and the Queen on their money. Let 'em know that even Michael Strahan will be having a laugh.

And Speaking of David Hirshey...

Dave

He is one of the most awesomist wordsmiths ever -like Neil Tennant if he took up soccer writing in place of pop stardom. You have to listen to the first two minutes of this audio interview with him promoting his superb new book on Amazon.com. The way he describes being a footie freak back in the day is pretty much amazing; he somehow makes admitting you're a soccer fan sound like coming out of the closet (not that there is any reason to be in a closet unless you are R.Kelly*).

"For many years...I never came out as a soccer player and fan..I was trying to make believe that I was a red-blooded American sports fan."

"The only way to find out what was happening was through your fellow soccer weenies...we would gather in dark bars and exchange arcane information."

I think the coast is clear now David, you can come out. We love you either way.

*Yes, an R. Kelly two-fer today...I had to "double up."

BBC Reporter Under the Delusion That NY Just Discovered Soccer During the Obama Administration



Oh BBC how I love thee. You had the best radio show ever. You can be artsy as f*ck and mainstream at the same time. You allow the occasional naughty bit to be seen on TV. And your World Service news is unimpeachable.

But you can also be misinformed, pretentious twats who think that if you say something enough times with that accent it makes you the authority (David Attenborough, you have so much to answer for). How the hell can you act like nobody was checking for soccer in Brooklyn a year ago? And to interview the spectacular, spectacled spectacle that is David Hirshey without saying "This is David Hirshey, co-author of the only World Cup worth buying in 2010. He is a legend and knows far more about the state of soccer in America than you or I do" is almost inexcusable. Are you kidding me?!

[H/T FFSS via Facebook]

ESPN Treating WC2010 Like Monday Night Football



How bizzare is it to hear Mike Tirico's voice talking soccer? I just keep expecting him to mention Drew Brees' lack of pass protection or how LeBron is unstoppable once he reaches the paint. And I bet by Friday they have the floor painted like a 18-yard box so that he and Shannon Sharp can better illustrate the proper crossing technique.

I know we fans always whinge and moan about ESPN giving soccer the short shrift but it truly is strange watching them ratchet up the coverage. Reminds me of the first time I heard Smells Like Teen Spirit blasting out of an SUV driven by a guy in a backward baseball cap & a polo: it's cool that everybody is down for the good stuff, but it just feels a little weird.

Did You Know That AEG Owns The Staples Center?

Ronnie

Spotted at the Lakers-Celtics game at the Staples Center over the weekend: Ronaldinho (and possibly disgraced NY governor Elliot Spitzer). Let the Gaucho-to-Galaxy rumors/conspiracy theories begin.

6.06.2010

R. Kelly Lands in South Africa: The World Cup Can Now Begin



You know there once was a time when airport mob scenes were reserved for religious leaders, foreign dignitaries and global soccer icons. But so much has changed in the world. Now all you have to do is get off on a kiddie-fiddling charge despite video evidence, create the 22-episode Jerry Springer best-of that is Trapped in the Closet and set a drunken, 3 a.m. argument with your lady to a faux-Isley Brothers track to be greeted like the King of Zamunda. The bar has been officially lowered, people.

6.04.2010

Geography: The One Thing U.S. Media Knows Even Less About Than Soccer

Doh!

Good thing WGN isn't responsible for booking the USMNT's travel plans; the boys would end up trying to relive Belo Horizonte in Belo Horizonte. Further proof that Bippy the Intern should never be left alone.

Video: The Rise of African Soccer



Jeff Bradley is my guy. Here he is in Africa finding out what's what with the game in the place formerly known as "the dark continent". When I grow up (i.e. stop making hair jokes for a living) this is the sort of thing I'd like to do.

Presenting the Designated Players World Cup Pool

Pool

Penned & conceived by our Bruce:

"Get in on all the action with the writers and editors of your fave blogs, This Is American Soccer, Soccer By Ives, The Offside Rules, The Original Winger, of course du Nord, plus fellow readers from all those sites too!

Log in here, make your picks, then click on "Join a private group."

Enter the following info: Group ID# (14797) and Password (brucesbeard)

We are collecting together some really cool stuff for the ultimate winner, plus you can have bragging rights when you wipe the floor with me and my lame picks.

So sign up now for the Designated Players World Cup pool!"

Cantina From Star Wars Gets World Cup Re-Rub by Adidas



It really does not get any better than Daft Punk doing a deal with Hans Solo, Greedo trying to shake down Beckham to play for FC Jabba and Snoop Dogg getting ghetto on a couple of marks in the Cantina out of Star Wars. Throw in cameos by DJ Neil Armstrong, Noel Gallagher, Ian Brown & Der Kaiser and Adidas has almost (almost) caught up with Nike in the chase for that cool factor. If only Aziz Anzari would have played a Jawa...

Beano Cook (Surprise!) Doesn't Get Soccer, Loves Making Sexy Comments About Sportswriters



With all due respect to pensioners, old folks, spinsters and Grandparents nationwide the answer is "Yes". Yes Beano, you are too. But you justify this blog's insistence on carrying a "Geriatrics" tag and I thank you for that along with service to the nation in the War of 1812 and every subsequent U.S. military action up to and including Korea.

And yes Beano, you still don't get it; people will give a damn if Spain meets Brazil in the World Cup. If you had a computer you would know this but you don't (which begs the question "How do you have a an online segment and you don't even have the internet?"). But I thank you for one of the most wonderful rambles of the pre-World Cup era of 2010; you are clueless yet still amazing.

The Onion: "Nation's Soccer Fan Becoming Insufferable"

Fictional

"According to sources only peripherally aware of the World Cup, Janovich's infuriating behavior first became apparent during a Super Bowl viewing party last February when he repeatedly used the phrase "American football" to describe the action on the field. In recent weeks, Janovich has also begun referring to the supposed suspense involved in choosing the players for the U.S. "side," and has struck up several extended but one-sided conversations concerning figures such as "Kaka" and "Ronaldinho," generally mystifying and alienating everyone he has come into contact with."

Admit it...this is you.

6.03.2010

If Only Ice Cube Would Have Done This Interview With Duece



Things you should know to fully appreciate this piece from ESPN The Mag:

1. Clint Dempsey is down with a mess of Black folks.
2. In regard to Black folks, the barbershop is where we talk about what's what.
3. This interview is conducted while Deuce is getting his hair cut.

KA & DBarnes Tackle Issues of Fashion in E. Hartford



Kevin Alston & Darius Barnes: passing judgment on the aged so I don't have to since 2010.

Video: Bush League Trailer



In 6 weeks the World Cup will have come and gone. So before everyone goes back to not really giving a rat's about Africa*, check out the trailer for Bush League. From the description it sounds like the realest of reality shows masquerading as a documentary film; mark me down on the "Intrigued" list with a +1.

*Yes, I am aware of how cynical that sounds but let's be real America. Right or wrong, the majority of our citizenry aren't really concerned with what's poppin' in Appalachia, let alone Africa.

PPL Park Almost Complete, Coming Soon to a Chester, PA Near You

Get Microsoft Silverlight

Can y'all believe that when PPL Park opens at the end of the month we'll only have 3.5 out of the current 16 teams playing in big-assed American football stadiums (DCU in RFK only halfway counts as no one plays football in it currently)? Crazy, right? As recently as 2005 --just 5 years ago!-- we only had 3 SSS in the whole damned league; baby's growing up for sure.