Reality TV x Penis Talk x D.C. United
It's probably a bad idea for me to start gathering wisdom from reality televison but this is The Real World, the O.G. of the genre, so they get a pass. If they say having a penis is great because it means you'll never have to be alone, it's a fact. And if you spill said wisdom while wearing enough MLS apparel to adequately outfit a five-a-side team with enough left over for two bench players it's that much better.
If you are curious as to how this season's crop of The Seven Most-Attractive/Promiscuous Sociopaths Under The Age of 27™ came into their apparent bounty of D.C. United gear, skip to the 3:45 mark in this week's episode of The Real World. And if you happen to see that hater-ass hater of a redhead around your way be sure and give her the gas face.