6.30.2009

Video: Steve Zakuani "In His Own Words"



From FSN --who will be airing tomorrow night's Seattle v. Portland U.S. Open Cup match live-- it's Steve Zakuani "In His Own Words". Between me and you (and the 10K other people that read this) don't you think that the Rookie of the Year race so far has been a two-horse race between him and Chris Pontius?

SI's Excerpt from The Beckham Experiment

BeckhamExperiment

I may or may not post anything else today; the ocean is down the street from me and is shcokingly warm for June so I may make a move toward open water this afternoon. But if this is the last post of the day I am fine, fine, fine with that because it's a good post. Or at least it links to something good.

SI.com has a sneak peak at G.Q.O.G. Grant Wahl's upcoming feel good hit of the summer, The Beckham Experiment. The timing is amazing as it comes out two days before his MLS return versus RBNY at Giants Stadium (pre-ordrer it now from Amazon). Judging by this 3-page excerpt some people that I like are going to HATE this book as it may make them or their organization look a little less than awesome. But some other people I know are going to LOVE this book because it lifts the shroud on Brand Beckham and in the process gives us one of the most intimate looks at MLS, it's players and it's biggest star that we are likely to see.

Again, it's only a snippet of the 304 page saga but if this is any indication Landon Donovan is going to benefit the most from this release (well I'm sure Grant will make a little coin but that's not where I was going). I think a lot of people's opinion of him will change after reading this. I can't wait...I wish it was out today so I could read it in my beach chair.

Which reminds me, I've got an ocean that needs my attention. I'm out.

MLS Final Kick: Week 15



Week 15 has come and gone and ain't a damn thing changed. Movsisyan continues his comeback, Seattle is still playing above it's expansion team status and RBNY is still, well, it's still New York.

6.29.2009

Video: Press Pass With The Final Word on The Final



Is it just me or does it seem like Tommy Smythe is having a hard time saying something nice about the Yanks performance? If he's not happy with it so be it but spare us the back-handed complements. He sounds like one of those guys who will say "Yeah, she's pretty hot for a ______ chick" and not see what's inherently messed up with that statement.

Video: You Know Who's At Fault For The U.S. Loss?



Michael Jackson. There, I said it. If you don't pay tribute to the King of Pop, you don't win sh*t. Fact. If only Landon would have moonwalked across the 18 or Deuce would have pulled out a sequenced glove from his his sweaty, goal-scoring crotch during the first 45. Then, and only then, would we have woke up to a New Soccer Nation this morning.
Oh what could have been.

5 Burning Questions: Confederations Cup Hangover Edition



Is it early to crown Schelotto league MVP? Probably, but if you want to crown his ass, then crown his ass. He's killed it so far this season but at his age who knows if he can keep it up for the duration. Which begs the question, "Do they make a soccer-specific Viagra?"

6.28.2009

Video: Big Bob Bradley & Lando Post-Brazil



I've nothing original or insightful to say about today's game. Although I obviously would have loved the win, I can't say that I am too disappointed because the low expectation-having MFer in me wants to be satisfied with the way the boys acquitted themselves today versus Brazil when compared to last week's game. They showed up and the showed some guts and that is an imprrovement. As for Bobbo and Lando, I think they are more upset than I am...which is the way it should be.

And much respect to Donovan for his amazing goal and what has to be the qoute of the tournament for the U.S.

6.25.2009

Video: The Yanks on Spanish Spanking



Please excuse the lazy posts the last few days; taking a little "me" time.

US vs. Brazil: The Tale of the Tape

Video: Weezer Frontman Pens US Soccer Ballad



Ladies and gentlemen the sweet sounds of the bard of American soccer, Mr. Rivers Coumo.

Extra Time Episode 20, Act 2



Get up, stand out
Stand out for your team
Get up, stand out
Don't give up the dream

6.24.2009

MLS Final Kick: Week 14



The best MLS highlight show on the web...and the web only.

Video: U.S. Ups & Downs of Confederations Cup



The Worldwide Leader in Sports™ tells the Confederations Cup tale so far. Stay tuned for the next chapter in the saga on ESPN at 2.25 EST. Get stuck in.

The Benefit of Job Loss: No Excuse Not To Watch Soccer During Business Hours



So yesterday wasn't the best but I figure today will be a vast improvement. If you are in NYC and are feeling it, come celebrate soccer and my place in the unemployment line with me. I'll be posted up at Nevada Smith's with some of the ESC/North Jersey Brigade boys for the US-Spain match, then down to Sarah D. Roosevelt Park for Steve Nash's Showdown in Chinatown, then back to Nevada's for the RBNY-Toronto FC match. There are also 3 MLS/Superliga matches on TV tonight so it's pretty much soccer Christmas today.

It's going to be a blowout today/tonight but the job hunt begins in earnest on Thursday. Thanks for all the words of support yesterday; this sort of thing is always a stressful downer but it's nothing a bit of faith, friends and a day of futbol can't cure.

Extra Time Episode Episode 19 Act 1



In this week's episode Greg phones it in...literally.

6.23.2009

This Just In: SF Joining His Brothers in Unemployment



I had an absolutely amazing Father's Day weekend but the week after...not so much. Your boy SF has just become the latest, most digitally-astute victim of the recession and got laid off from eMpTyVee today. If anyone knows of any opportunities in music, digital media, marketing, or promotion holler at me at TheOffsideRules[at]gmail[dot]com.

6.22.2009

Video: Fox Sports Meets Marcelo Balboa



You may have noticed that Marcelo has been out and about lately. He's out bucking for prostate cancer awareness and I back him 100%. It may not be your favorite thing ever but you have to get checked out fellas because ass cancer is bad news. I'm certainly not trying to make light, I'm just trying to keep it real and use the vernacular of this blog's target demo; recent studies by the severely underfunded TOR Institute for Marginally Scientific Research have shown that the word "suck" or "sucks" it the most frequently used word in the comments of soccer-related blogs and message boards.

Video: Ljungberg Loves Seattle, Flannel, Short Grass



We've all heard players (and coaches and fans) saying that they were unhappy with America's turf playing surfaces for ages now. Aside from the occasional jab at the HDC for having it's pitch torn up by X-Games or Robertson Stadium for having grass so dried it should be sold on 5th Ward street corners in Ziplock bags I've never heard that MLS field were shaggy in comparison to European ones; I guess you learn something everyday.

"I Am a Patient Boy...I Wait, I Wait, I Wait, I Wait"



Not that I have much punk rock cred to squander but this is the only Fugazi song that ever really grabbed me. Since hearing it in the Christian Hosoi documentary --which I highly recommend-- over the weekend it's just been stuck in my head on a loop. And after the U.S. v. Egypt the lyrics kinda struck me...maybe Danny Califf had this on in the locker room before the game (he strikes me as the player most-likely to own a copy of 13 Songs) ?

I'm planning a big surprise
I'm gonna fight for what I want to be
I won't make the same mistakes
Because I know
Because I know how much time that wastes

Chuck Chandler, Braden and Patient Boy...this is your post, enjoy it.

Video: Jesus the Soccer Star?



I love Jesus. I love soccer. I love music. Surprisingly, I do not love this.

Wolyniec & Mendes: Available for Bat Mitzvahs, Birthdays, Funerals



John Wolyniec is my dog. He and Seth Stammler are the current and potentially eternal holders of the TOR Award For All-Around Nice Guys Who Are Not Flashy, Play Well and Give No Drama™. I didn't know he was a guitar player though; this is what I get for going to the stadium pub before the game and not after the game. I bet if I stuck around long enough "Long Island" Mike Petke would have started in with the drunken Billy Joel covers and the we would have really seen something.

Video: Toronto FC Get Shock Professional Athlete Treatment



Will you just look at that? Supporters, news crews, wives and children showing up to meet Toronto FC players upon their return home from winning the Nutrilite Canadian Championship. It's like they just returned from a military tour of duty somewhere. Incredible.

You know my club were Western Conference champs of '08 and we didn't even give them so much as a pizza party & a sheet cake in the rec room of the Seacacus YMCA so this makes me feel kind of ashamed of myself. But good for T-Dot...you are Kings of Canuckistan.

Brian McBride Recieves Highest European Honor

McBrides

If you ever doubted that Macca was truly loved in Fulham, doubt no more. Forget the Balon D'or, having a bar named after you at your former ground is where it's at. For my money he has truly reached the mountaintop.

MLS Goals of the Week



I'd like to say that Avila's goal was the best of the bunch here but it was kind of a selfish goal when the smart move --to me at least but what do I know-- would have been to lay it off to Big Kenny. So I have to give my vote to Fredy Montero even though it came at the expense of my side.

6.21.2009

U.S. v. Egypt Match Preview



What with Superliga and all the MLS games yesterday I actually forgot there was a Nats game today. Happy Father's Day to me I guess though. Hopefully Micheal Bradley will give his father a hat trick today as a gift.

6.19.2009

Eric Wynalda x Booze x Facebook

Waldo

We all know the dangers of drunken text messaging but I think as we move deeper into the age of connectivity we need to pause for a moment to acknowledge the dangers of drunken Facebook status updates.

My man KK noticed via Deadspin that Eric Wynalda had something of a late-night, 3 martini meltdown after watching the Yanks lose to Italy and felt it was best that he share it with America. He also feels that it would be best for "somebody to get dirt in their pussy". Nice. All I can say is thank God he's not calling WPS games.

This Just In: Portland Councilman Now Against MLS Deal

RL

Ain't no drama like PDX stadium drama. Hot on the heels of Merritt Paulson's withdrawl of one baseball relocation proposal one of the Portland City Councilmen who voted for the ordinance to bring Major League Soccer to Portland has now said that he's going to vote against it if it means losing the city's baseball team.

I love that unlike many places in America, the citizenry are vocal, and politically active but I'm starting to wonder if this deal will ever get done. But while we're all waiting for the dramatic conclusion of "As The Stadium Deal Turns" we can watch the Timbers play Minnesota tonight on FSC at 11pm EST; if we listen close enough I'm sure we'll hear some choice words for Mr. Leonard from some of the faithful.

NSR: Phoenix Rising Over NYC



I'm supposed to go see Phoenix tonight but I may take a pass as I am a bit under the weather and would like to recover in time to tailgate the RBNY-Seattle match tomorrow. But just because I'm not seeing them doesn't mean you can't; yesterday the Frenchies did Letterman (see above), my day job and a gig in Brooklyn so there is plenty of video to go around.

Of particular interest to me is how aloof the singer is (and you would be too if you were Sophia Coppola's partner/baby daddy and had homes in Santa Barbara, New York & Versailles, FR) and how intense the drummer is (he seems to have studied under Animal from The Muppet Show). I love the dichotomy.

ESPN's LA - SJ Preview



It's an MLS two-fer on ESPN this week; hopefully Saturday's broadcast will work out a little better than Wednesday's (although I doubt the game will be as lively).

Video: The Depantsing of Gattuso



I am posting this video of Italy's Genaro Gattuso --the rich man's Dema Kovalenko-- getting his unmentionables out on ESPN for three reasons:

1. I haven't done sh*t for the ladies and homosexualists in a minute.

2. It's nice to see the Azurri a little embarrassed after they embarrassed the Yanks the other day.

3. Having the words "soccer player" and "underwear" in a post is to traffic what free champagne is to models.

Video: Cam Weaver Is a Man of Action, Not Words



At the beginning of the season I boldly predicted that "Killa" Cam Weaver would be the hot new kid on the MLS block (in a national publication no less). This hasn't exactly been the case so far but he did have a cracker of a debut in Houston and went home with a pair of bangers. And by bangers I mean quality goals, not British sausages.

Anyway, the Houston Chronicle stopped by training the other day to holler at the Dynamo's latest acquisition. He's not got much to say but that's OK because Craig Waibel does.

Red Bull Arena Time-Lapse: November 08



Courtesy of Red Bulls Reader, the upper deck going up and Tommie Sunshine going off.

6.18.2009

5 Burning Questions: Glen & Kyle On The Call Edition



5 burning questions (and none of them can be cured with Penicillin).

In Case You Missed It...



In case you missed it at the cinema you can watch Goal 2: Living The Dream in it's entirety on Megavideo. You can watch the trailer for the recently released direct-to-DVD, green-screen failure that is Goal 3 at TOW but I wouldn't recommend watching any more than that as it looks absolutely dreadful.

Sorry for the pop-up ad; just click the play button twice and I promise you will not meet any Asian singles or whatever it is they are peddling.

Viva Futball #33



The finest ankle-breakin' and money-makin' moves you'll see all day.

Kickin' It With Al Hopkins: Amado Dios Mio Edition



The wolf, the wolf, the wolf is on fire!

Toronto FC: A Club In Exile



Monaco, Cardiff City, Toronto FC: The holy trinity of expatriated soccer teams?

Video: Sounders-United Highlights



Allegedly there was a highly entertaining game played at some point last night on ESPN2. I wouldn't know because there was nothing but --cringe-- college baseball on my TV. Oh well. Here's the highlights from the mythical match.

6.17.2009

Iranian Team Puts It All On The Line During World Cup Qualifying



Regardless of your politics you have to admit that it takes big, brass balls the size of Bruce Arena's ego to do what some members of Iran's national team did today. If you hadn't heard, 8 members of the selection wore green armbands showing support for the opposition of sitting president/despot Mahmoud Ahmadinejad during their World Cup qualifier against South Korea. If you've seen the news the last few days you know that this is not the safest move.

As the commentator in the clip points out, it's one thing to protest the potentially rigged election in the street as a member of a mass. It's an entirely different --and more dangerous-- to be a public figure and make a statement on state TV on such large stage. I don't know enough about the opposition movement in Iran to endorse it but I have to say I am impressed with the players who were brave enough to stand up for their beliefs and the democratic process regardless of what consequences may lay in wait for them upon their arrival in Tehran. Godspeed gentlemen.

Thanks to Piotr O. for the video.

How to Truly Enjoy A Summer of Soccer



In order to be properly prepared for the "Summer of Soccer" I suggest you start taking care of a few matters that will make the whole experience run a little smoother. Please see the list below:

1. Call a divorce lawyer;101 matches over 51 games is enough to strain any relationship.

2. If you're on the cusp of an unfortunate lay-off, think about reaching out to HR and volunteering before the ax drops; you may get a better severance package and you can start planning your away match travel sooner rather than later.

3. It's hot and dehydration can be an issue: start alternating your cases of beer with cases of water at a rate of 2 to1.

4. As I said it's hot and no one likes to be known as sweaty bollocks; keep your stones dry and clean with Ballapowder.

5. Get a tune up because you sure as hell don't want to break down in Baltimore en route to Chelsea - AC Milan; contrary to what The Fader and blogs will tell you B-More isn't all Dan Deacon and the Wu-Tang dance.

6. Think about finding religion; I'm told Jesus gets a lot of requests around the 85th minute and may screen his calls on occasion. He may pick up the phone though if it's someone he knows on the other line.

7. Give up religion; it'll be much easier to enjoy a Canadian lap dance --so I'm told-- after the Real Madrid-Toronto FC match if you are not thinking about whether or not this is a sin (p.s it's not if she really likes you).

8. Don't sleep on the early rounds of the Gold Cup: the match against Grenada may be the only U.S. win for a minute.

9. If you are the kind of fan that stands and sings buy throat lozenges in bulk. They, along with a ridiculously-priced super-fine scotch, will keep your throat greased and voice intact.

10. Go hard or go...to a baseball game.

Video: A Once Proud Mane Is No More



From our man Travis at Calle Republic comes video of the shaving of Balboa; the hair may be gone but it can never, will never be forgotten.

Extra Time Episode Episode 19 Act 2



A bunch of talk about whether or not San Jose can escape the basement. Personally I would rather see them escape their stadium more.

NSR: Kanye West "Paranoid"



Kanye West's "Paranoid" is the best Pet Shop Boys song ever that was not written or performed by Pet Shop Boys. I can only imagine the masterpiece of dour-disco verses Neil Tennant would have gay-married to this beat.

Marcus the Mechanic To Wolverhampton

Marcus

Washington state's second most famous keeper has a new job and it is not at Pep Boys.

DC United vs. Seattle: Live! Tonight! Sold Out!



The Keeper Formerly Known as Afro Josh™ previews tonight's D.C.-Seattle match. Having spent quite a bit of time in both Timbers and Whitecaps kits, he's probably the best man in black to ask when it comes to questions about Seattle. He's also the best man to ask when it comes to questions of quadruple co-eds.

It's On: Old Rivals To Get It In One More Time

PortlandGirls

Damn, if ever there was a reason to broadcast a Lamar Hunt US Open Cup match that is not the final this is it. Portland won their second round match last night vs. some PDL side or other and will now host sworn enemy Seattle Sounders at PGE Park on July 1st. We thought the Rose City-Jet City rivalry was on ice on until 2011 but I guess beef waits for no one, least of all the guy making schedules for the USOC.

This is definitely one of the most compelling match-ups of the tournament and I'm guessing might be the most well-attended with significant showings from both home and away support expected. What I would do to be able to witness this; help us FSC you're our only hope.

Note: I have no idea wear this photo originated or who the women are in it, but I would like to salute all parties involved. You make this world a better place.

6.16.2009

The Most Expensive Bench in America

JP

Juan Pietravallo symbolizes what's wrong with RBNY? Perhaps. What about Khano Smith? Is he worth 120K? Probably not. What's certain though is that between those two and Dane Richards there is over $460K in salary cap space just sitting on the bench as if it was waiting for the M60 to LaGuardia to come and whisk it away. And you know what? Right about now I think alot of people wish it would.

Video: ESPN Says This Freestyle Soccer Thing Is Big



Your weekly reminder that Steve Nash would rather be Bill Shankly than Bill Russell.

MLS Final Kick: Week 13



7 minutes is all we need from Sportscenter. It's not too much to ask is it? Hell, they spent more than 7 minutes on mock drafts for the NHL surely they can make time for weekly highlights for a league whose games they air.

Chicken Wing Eaters Hate The Horns



Everyone hates those damn horns. To this day NY soccer fans will say the only good things Lalas did as GM was A) draft Jozy Altidore and B) ban those damn horns.

Art and Anger Pt. 2: Harnessing All That Is Good About The Internet for Nefarious Uses



I'm not from Clifton so my Italian is a little rusty. Feel free to double-check the translation, y'know, just in case there any errors.

MLS Goals of the Week



This week's reel leads off with Freddie Ljungberg's finesse shot against San Jose. Definitely the classiest finish of the week but Corey Ashe deserves some sort "Best Supporting Male"-esque award for his assist to Cam Weaver; he was Cuba to Cam's Tom on this one.

6.15.2009

Finally A Reason To Go Back to School That Has ZERO To Do With $1 Pitcher Night



Check it. This fall Duke University's history dept. is offering a course called "World Cup & World Politics". Basically it examines global politics using soccer as the vehicle of sorts (a bit like those books by Simon Kuper and Franklin Foer).

Seriously kids, it's got your name written all over it: not only is the subject matter appealing but it's got A) no exams and is B) a Tuesday-Thursday class that starts at 1:15pm so plenty of time to sleep off hangovers. Sadly (for heterosexual males), the early prediction is that this class will be a sausage hang on the level of a Magic The Gathering convention.

Anger & Frustration: Inspiring Fine Art Since The Renaissance



Courtesy of those guys at Project 2010. Can I just say that this would look smashing on a really nice T-shirt from American Appeal (who are doing their best to make middle America sexy).

Pat Noonan On The Move Again

Noonan

Pat Noonan has been traded again, this time from Columbus Crew to a road crew. Just kidding, he's going to Colorado which has a better uniform than a road crew but shockingly pays less and has fewer benefits.

You Know Who I Don't Like Today?

ROSSI

This guy.

In Case You Missed It...



A reminder than David may not always neat Goliath but can sometimes get pretty damn close.

Mike Petke: Scientology Sympathizer, Beyonce Enthusiast



Just when you think you know a guy...

Shep Messing Reassures Us That RBNY Are Bad









Steve Cangiolosi: "Shep, can you take anything positive out of this game?"

Shep Messing: "I really can't (pause) except the play of Danny Cepero."

Video: The Great Match



The Great Match follows 3 soccer fans that redefine the term hardcore: living in the farthest corners of the world --in a place informally known as "The Sticks"-- the travel through the Sahara desert, the Amazon rain forest and the plains of Mongolian just to find someplace to watch the World Cup final on TV. And you thought trying to find a way to sneak in mid-day international match was difficult.

This clip is a long one and when I say "long one" I mean to say "this is a full length film so you really shouldn't be watching this is at work but I'm not the boss of you so f*ck it, knock yourself out".Oh and be sure to click on the "CC" icon at the bottom for English subtitles.

Video: ESPN Previews USA-Italy



Even The Leprechaun is playing up the Rossi thing. Amazing. But not as amazing as the still image associated this video.

6.12.2009

NSR: "This Is It! (What!?) Luchini Fallin' From The Sky!"



An absolute classic; this song is summer on wax (erm, on mp3 at least).

Video: Player Chases Ball, Van Drills Player



See this is EXACTLY why your mother didn't like you playing in the street.

Individual D.C. United-Real Madrid Tix On Sale Today



Now you may not get to see Paris Hilton's No-No Special Place like CR7 did the other night, but for just a few dollars you can see CR7, Kaka and whatever other ridiculous signings Real Madrid pulls off when they come to Maryland this summer. Individual tickets go on sale today at 10am for their match against DC United so get your credit cards at the ready. And if you do make it out to FedEx Field for the match you might want to consider bringing some hand sanitizer to use on your seat...just in case Paris shows up.

6.11.2009

Fijian Soccer Players Beleive That Weed Will Improve Their Game

FIJI

Fijian footie players are smoking that sh*t. Like really, they are all on drugs... according to 8 of 10 league presidents. This could be a good thing as it may help them get a shirt sponsorship from Rizzla or maybe even White Castle. Do they have White Castle in the South Pacific?

Oh Tom Green, How Much Do We Miss You...



And to think Drew Barrymore used to let this guy do it with her.

NSR: This Is How You Do A Viral Campaign



I've never wanted to before but I think I want to Get My Basketball On right now for reals.

K.C.'s Stadium Renderings Reveiled

Trails1

Big shouts to Down The Byline for pointing out this tasty bit of stadium p0rn. This is one of the first renderings of the Kansas City SSS that's slowly coming to fruition. Things tend to change from the early renderings to the finished product but it's just nice to see something even if the finished product is something altogether different. There's also this photo below of the asymmetrical seating on the endline that is hidden from view in the photo above.

Trails2

Extra Time Episode Episode 18 Act 3



Shep's crew talks up the upcoming Chicago-D.C. United match up.

Video: Nick Garcia MeetsThe (Canadian) Press



How do you know your team sucks? When a trade to Toronto is a step up the table. That's certainly not a jab at TFC but it's a blatant jab at the crap record of the San Jose Earthquakes though. Record aside though getting dealt to Canuckistan from The Bay is an upgrade on so many levels (nice stadium, treated like a professional athlete).

TFC's latest acquisition, Nick Garcia, addressed the media for the first time and TFCtv documented it all for your viewing pleasure. And if you find this pleasurable you are a nerd and I want to be friends with you...so find me on Facebook.

Beckham, Dude...Seriously?

beckswtf

Unnecessary. That is all.

Video: Five Burning Questions



Shockingly not one question about the CR7 transfer.

Marcelo Balboa's Hair Sacrifice

Balboa

Grab your 40's and pour some out for Mareclo Balboa's long, luxurious locks as they are going to soccer hair heaven. Who will take over as Lord & Ruler of American soccer's Realm of Adventurous Hairstyles? Who knows but a dance-off between Gino Padula and Frankie Hejduk for the throne is looking more and more likely though.

If Goff is Tupac Does That Make Ives Biggie?

Goff

Dang y'all. Since when did Soccer Insider become "Dramablog USA"? I guess when you are at the top of your game --even a small one like American soccer reporting-- drama & beef just come looking for you. Just ask Tupac. Oh that's right you can't, because he's dead.

Deceased (allegedly) rappers aside, I really enjoy Goff's "blog"* but it sure seems like other people aren't lately. Remember about a month ago when he said that Juan Carlso Osorio was on thin ice with the RBNY brass and Red Bull GM Erik Stover was all like "I don't even know who Steven Goff is"? Well that's turned into handbags at 20 paces as just the other day Goff threw out some criticism at RBNY that quite frankly many people would agree with but did it in a way that was definitely a bit over-snarky and seemingly biased for a professional journalist who's been known to use his platform as a vehicle to give lessons in media ethics.

Which leads us to skirmish number 2, which was with a South African government agency who was putting together a junket for US-based bloggers to the Confederations Cup. They didn't take kindly to the dude scaring more than a few people off and pulled the plug on the whole caper. Neither did a few bloggers who, not being journalists aren't bound by the same framework, might have been down for a free trip to cover a tournament that will get precious little stateside attention as it stands.

The most recent --like today "recent"-- participant in a game of back-and-forth with the Insider is New England coach Scottish Steve Nicol. Yesterday Goff cited no sources when he said TT would be out indefinitely which you could say is some total MLSR blogger-type sh*t not Washington Post journalist-type sh*t. In response Nicol told the Boston Herald that he feels that our Steven conjured up the story himself. Which I guess is possible but it could just be Nicol not wanting to come clean about the full extent of an injury.

Seriously, it's all so out of control that people are going to have to start thinking about seating arrangements at press events, gala dinners and MLS Cup parties so that no Source Awards-esque incidents break out.

*It's not really a true blog if it's maintained by a journalist on the website of one of the nation's largest newspapers is it?

6.10.2009

Extra Time Episode Episode 18 Act 2



On the U.S. national team, Africa and the Confederations Cup.

Video: True Gunner



For the Arsenalists who have told me they feel neglected. Don't say I never gave you anything.

MLSnet Top 4



I had an especially strong caphirina at lunch today so I have nothing to say about this clip. The only thing I should say is that I shouldn't be typing anything at this point.

Video: The Damned United



The Damned United: now available from your more discerning P2P & torrent sites.

Video: The Young Yanks



80's Babies + Does It Offend You,Yeah? = not a bad way to waste 7+ minutes.

"New York I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down"



It's Wednesday. JCO is still the coach, the team is still at the bottom of every known power ranking and I am still depressed. NY fans, feel free to memorize this song before the next home game.

Video: Local News Profiles "Stewie" Holden



Do people really call him "Stewie" to his face? I hope not because I really like this guy and hate the name "Stewie" with a passion; the only kid I knew with that name when I was growing up was a malignant little turd with dirty mouth and a penchant for thieving so it only conjures negative thoughts.

Extra Time: The 100th Episode



Extra Time hits the century mark the same week as Taylor Twellman. Coincidence? I think not.

6.09.2009

Video: The Leprechaun Confuses Other Panelist on First Take



It's funny how there is all this banter between the panelist when they are talking about dynasties in other sports like the Lakers, the Yankees etc. But once Uncle Tommy brings up Manchester United sh*t just gets sooo quiet; you knew he'd lose them once he dropped the word "gaffer".

Messi x Champions League Celebration x Inebriation



Respect to our man Coachie Ballgames for hipping me to this awwwwwwwwwwwesome clip from Shey Hey. It's Lionel Messi post-Champions League win, post-sobriety. Lil fella just looks so happy doesn't he? $5 and a box of Chupa Chups says that he kissed at least one of his teammates full on the mouth before the night was through.

But enough about him, let's talk about me: aren't you stoked that I avoided the oh so obvious "Drunken Messi" headline? I could have quit sweets, scotch or BBQ with the amount of will power it took to leave that one alone but I chose to be selfless for your sake. You're welcome.

MLS Final Kick: Week 12



This really should be on Sportscenter. Email these guys and let him know (in a sane, rational yet passionate way please).

LA, The U.S. & Iran in International Soccer Ménage à Trois

1998

As you may have read over at TOW --TOR's California cousin-- the rumored U.S.-Iran match looks set to happen as a 2-legged affair; the talk out of Iran is that the Yanks will play the first match away in Tehran on 10.10.09 with the home match slated for LA on 11.14.09. But note that the US is already slated to play Honduras in a World Cup Qualifier on 10.10.09 so one of the two would have to move.

Obviously the game in Iran will garner the lion's share of media attention and speculation: Will Obama address it? Will Ahmadinejad be there? How many U.S. supporters will make the trip (sneaking into Cuba is one thing but going to Tehran requires an even higher level of commitment/lower fear of arrest)? The LA match also has it's fair share of story lines as both sides have significant ties to the area, particularly UCLA. Game on.

6.08.2009

Press Pass Less Doomy. Still Doubtful of U.S. Team



If anyone can tell me where in the hell Tommy Smythe was able to purchase a Fruit Stripe gum neck tie please email me at once. I must have one (so I can hang myself with it).

Ft. Wayne's Most Notorious Gets Hometown Press

DMB

This article out of Run DMB's hometown says that his days of "being regarded as the golden child of U.S. Soccer are over". I always thought that title was the property of Landon Donovan but I may have missed something. Speaking of things I miss, I miss him playing on the wing in the midfield; that right back sh*t is just not on.

The MLSnet Top 4



I have not watched any of these as I have been just swamped today but hopefully your day is a little less jammed than mine. Enjoy.

Video: One Red Bull Who Is Actually Playing Well



Too bad he plays for the other Red Bull soccer team.

SF Loses The Plot: RBNY Depression Ramble

Red Bull2

We're not even to the All-Star break and I'm about one more loss from completely giving up hope for anything good coming out of the 2009 season for RBNY. I know that's one more loss than necessary for some of my fellow fans but I'm attempting to be an optimist. Other than some wild, unlikely success the only good things I can imagine are the following:

1. A second DP that is so absolutely absurd that upon announcement people will check their calendars to see if it's April 1st.

2. Khano Smith, Juan Pietravallo, and Jorge Rojas are shipped out in a package deal for...anything.

3. Dane Richards, whose presence on the team I do appreciate, earns his Certificate of Completion from the David Beckham School of Crossing.

4. Red Bull Arena and necessary infrastructure are miracled into fully-functional existance by the next home game.

I know full well none of those things are even bordering on likely but the last one is just so close now that it's somehow achieved the impossible and made me more averse to stepping foot into Giants Stadium. If we were winning, different story. But with The Comedy Troup Currently Known as Red Bull New York™ delivering shambolic performances on a weekly basis, the hope that this time next year I will be ballin' out in someplace so luxurious as RBA is really the only thing I have to look forward to as far as the club is concerned.

Which is sad really; I'm more stoked about getting seats than the team I'm paying to see from them. The awful thing about it is that the worse it gets the less passionate I feel about the team; I'm still watching the games --it hasn't gotten that bad yet-- but I'm starting to laugh at their mishaps instead of being angry at them. And I like to stand and sing and cheer and socialize and get involved in the game but now I kinda want to just sit down and daydream about being somewhere else.

Basically I think I'm soccer-depressed and it sucks. I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm going off to listen to The Cure now and daydream about taking mass transit to sit in a seat with a roof over it.

Photo courtesy of RBNY.

Video: Sunil Gulati Grabs The Mic, Speaks to Supporters in Front of USSF HQ



Check out The Don to the right of Sunil with his leg up snapping pics on his camera phone. I wonder if they'll end up on his Facebook. Probably not since that is soooo 2007. They'll probably end up as a background on his Twitter page (I hear it's very popular right now).

[H/T to my dudes at The Original Winger]

6.07.2009

Cali El Sal Fans Hate Mexico, KFC



Not that I am a fan of El Salavador by any stretch, but a group of people on an American street corner --let alone out front of a Popeye's in San Francisco-- celebrating a Mexican defeat needs to be shared.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going out for a 2-piece with seasoned fries.

6.06.2009

Video: Lalas & Stoner on U.S.-Honduras



His Ginger Majesty needs to see some leadership out there amongst the Yanks tonight. I think this is one of those rare moments when many of us will agree with him. It's real special...like stepping in Unicorn droppings.

Video: Red Bull Arena Construction



Part 2 of Red Bulls Reader's time lapse video of Red Bull Arena construction.

6.05.2009

The Things People Will Do For a Good Education



I don't know anything about goal keeping and I know even less about this Brazilian kid called Vinicius. So I can't tell you if he is really any good and if this video he uploaded will help him achieve his goal of playing collegiate soccer in the U.S.* If he can't get a gig though perhaps someone will hire the guy who out together the video for him because it's edited much better than most of the content produced by professional teams in this country.

*Why a Brazilian would have a goal of playing American collegiate soccer is beyond me and possibly one of the most bizarre things I have ever heard of (and I have been to a Neurosis concert). And doesn't he know that goalies are the one position we don't need to outsource?

This Is Photo Bomb: Because You Aren't Really Working Today Anyway

PHOTOBOMB

This Is Photo Bomb is blog dedicated to great photos and the things that screw them up; look closely because the devil is always in the details.

New England Fingers RBNY's Wound



I didn't know the Revs had girls but here they are taking the piss out of that much-maligned RBNY marketing stunt from a few months ago. Possibly the first time I've ever seen a rivalry go from the pitch to the stands to the new media dept. If it goes to the next level be prepared to see an advert for a new, taurine-enhanced shaving gel that's smoother than Gillette.

Is it necessary to take the I-95 beef this far? Perhaps, but New England really isn't in a place to critique anyone else's marketing. But seriously, who cares...did you see how well some of these girls can fill out a pair of jeans?

Today's MLSnet Top 4



Suggested viewing from the people who brought you "Rookie Life".

Studio 90: Live from Chi-City



No Chingy. No Edu. No Baby Bradley. No problem?

NSR: Empire of the Sun "Standing on the Shore"



So one of my summer records is the debut from Aussie band Empire of the Sun. It's got Luke Steele from The Sleepy Jackson on vocals and it's like the antipodean MGMT. To call them extravagant, art-damaged nerds is an understatement; their videos are like freaked-out fantasy movies that make Fischerspooner's look like some high school drama student's class project.

With "Walking on a Dream" they tried to take us to the future (it was actually just Shanghai but the biggest influence on Chinese architecture appears to be The Jetsons). The follow up single "We Are The People" was some sort of blissed-out, Mad Max mescaline trip from the desert to the jungle. But their new video for "Standing on the Shore" is on some whole other sh*t.

Obviously these two spent a large portion of their youth engaged in marathon Dungeons & Dragons sessions; how else to you explain making a video that is essentially a mash up of The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, and The Never Ending Story? Seriously, it's whacked out --I think I caught a glimpse of a minotaur in that cave and there are rhino and buffalo heads on sticks-- but I love it because it's nice to see people making videos that look like movies again instead of being on a boat or on stage.

5 Burning Questions: Substitute Teachers Edition



Kyle Martino and Glenn Davis ask the questions, SF gives the answers:

1. Not RBNY.
2. Getting a good cheesesteak (with wiz).
3. He will inspire them to update their wardrobes.
4. He will punch you in the face if you don't let him score.
5. Not RBNY.

6.04.2009

Press Pass: "If There is a Notion That The U.S. Can Do Something in the World Cup, This is Not the Team to Do It"



6:16 of doom and gloom from The Leprechaun & co. So funny how one game has completely changed the aura surrounding the USMNT; for some they've gone from classy to ashy in 90 minutes and change. Those people need to heed a bit of advice from Alvin & The Chipmunks and "calm the f*ck down"....until Saturday night at least.

NSR: Doves "Catch The Sun (Live)"



Going out to see Doves tonight. In solidarity, you should stay in and see them (unless you are in New York in which case you should get a ticket and get to the show).

Extra Time Episode Episode 17 Act 3



Shep, Greg and this Jason guy answer questions of depth but none of time or lust.

NSR: Tom Morellobama

SameDude

This has nothing to do with anything but I just had a sandwich in the presence of Rage Against The Machine/Audioslave/Street Sweeper Social Club guitarist Tom Morello (who incidentally is rocking a Fall River Marksman t-shirt is SSSC's upcoming video) and the freaky thing is dude talks EXACTLY like Obama. Same inflections, timbre & rhythm; seriously, it's crazy.

But it gets crazier, like "Mr. T singing songs about treating your Momma right"-crazy. A quick look around Wikipedia reveals that Morello's dad is a Kenyan, is from Chicago and graduated Harvard...kinda like Obama. So either there is a very, very specific Cambridge-via-Chicago accent that is most pronounced amongst half-Kenyans or these two guys are --wait for it-- THE SAME DUDE! I mean think about it for a minute. Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?

I'm turning of the comments on this one because this is not a debate or a conversation. This is a conspiracy.

Video: Javelins and Soccer Do Not Mix



And you thought ground sharing with another soccer team was bad.

Video: Gerson Mayan Interview in Espanol



A piece from Fox Sports International on Chivas USA academy player-turned-first teamer Gerson Mayan. I'm an uncultured embarrassment and only speak one language so I didn't get all of this but I know some of you are a bit more cultured than I so have at it. Feel free to share a recap in the comments.

MLS Advancer: RBNY vs. D.C. United



Sadly I will not be watching tonight's drudge match between RBNY and D.C. United; a man can only take so much footie-related failure in a 24-hour period (and I'm going to see Doves tonight). Maybe I'll watch it on the DVR tomorrow if I RBNY somehow manage to display something bordering on collective competence and pull out a shock win. But being that an end to the Montauk Monster mystery is far more likely, I'll settle for the ESPN preview since it's conclusion is much more open-ended.

When Pele Talks, You Listen. Understood?



I'm sure many of you feel like me and would rather not relive last night's party because it wasn't nearly as enjoyable as Last Night's Party. Too bad they didn't listen to Pele. Perhaps Sunil & Bobbo will get the whole crew fitted with "What Would Pele Do?" sweatshirts before the Honduras match.