3.31.2008

Unoffcial MLS Goal of The Week

Our man Ives says that this rocket by the Rev's Sainey Nyassi is the Goal of the Week.



But I am throwing my lot behind this display by Colorado's Collin Clake.



So am I right or is he right or are we both full of crap because Blanco's is best?

Becks Plays Nicholson, Sits Courtside at Lakers

Beckslaker

Another day, another soccer-basketball love in. Today's subject is David Beckham who sought comfort in the arms of Kobe's Lakers Sunday night at the Staples Center, where they defeated "the other Wizards" in OT. Said Bryant about the Galaxy's Rocky Mountain beatdown, “They had a tough first game, so I’m sure they’re looking to bounce back. I support him 100 percent.”

Here that Davey boy? With Diddy and now Kobe behind you, you are now street official.

What's Better Than Fantasy? Major League Blogging

MLBlogo

So now that the 2008 MLS season has begun (without my Red Bulls mind you but that's ok) I'm sure many of you have dug yourselves deep into that netherworld of points and trades that is Fantasy MLS . While that's cool for getting reacquainted with your 14 year-old, Dungeons & Dragons playing-self, I have something a little bit different that you might want to get down with; Major League Blogging.

Do you love rumor, news & gossip but kinda like it to turn out to be real on occasion? Think that the beat blogger in your city is the best around? Ever wanted to call BS on some unscrupulous hack who's "reporting" that your favorite player is getting traded because their "source" is a phony post on Bigsoccer? This is your chance to do so.


Beginning today the 2008 Major League Blogging Credibility Table will live in the right hand column on this page. Anytime one of the selected blogs get a story right they get a point (ex. blog "A" says that Amado Guevara is coming back to MLS and will play for Toronto and then it happens, blog "A" gets a point). When they get it half-right they get a draw (ex. Amado returns to MLS but goes to San Jose they get a draw). And if they say Amado is coming and Amado ends up in Dubai they get a loss.
I'm going to do as much scoring as I can but the fun part of this will be all of you noticing who's right and who's not worth reading.

So just like the people at Homeland Security say, "if you see something, say something"; don't hesitate to drop me an email with who's saying what or who you'd like to call bullshit on.


Lastly a note about the blogs featured. Basically I tried to get blogs whose stock & trade is news & rumor, were updated frequently, were cited by other blogs often and with the exception of one blog (you know who it is) appeared to make an effort to appear moderately legit in appearance. So in case you are wondering why such heavy-weight blogs as Du Nord and This Is American Soccer are not included, this is your answer. That and the fact that Du Nord is utterly infallible.
So please feel free to hit me up with any and all solid scoops and total inaccuracies.

And yes, there WILL be relegation.

Galaxian Gurus: When Band Dorks Discover MLS

kids

Ray Hudson better watch his ass. There’s a pair of 15 year-olds in LA who’re spent there MLS First Kick at home (like they have much choice since this isn’t Tijuana & they aren’t of drinking age) making videos of themselves and their own awkward/confusing/unintentionally funny commentary. And is it just me or does the one on the left look like the product of a taboo love affair between Linkin Park's Chester Bennington and Drew Carey?

Their Christian names are Mat and Ryan but together they are known as the “Galaxian Gurus”. Yes, they're fake accents are beyond grating but hey, I’d rather see the next generation geeking out like this than doing the stuff I did when my balls finally dropped. In a bid to make these young pups into our own Chris Crocker’s, I’m posting a link to their Youtube page with their videos from this past weekend.

If you’d rather cherry-pick –and really it might be for the best because you can only take so much 15 yr-old boy humor—I’ve pulled some of the choice quotes below.


On Bouna Coundoul:

“The Colorado Rapids keeper is coming up big, very big. Amazing. Like if you took something that was big and then multiplied it times 10 for example. That’s how big.”


On the LA scoring woes at the half:

“LA are knocking on the door like little kids treat or treating, but they just can’t get any candy. We need the candy Carlos Ruiz! El Pescadito!”


On Herculez Gomez:

“Apparently Herculez Gomez decided he’s French now. He has French mustache. And he’s obviously Hispanic so that’s something to laugh at.”


Oh, and they also found a nice visual for Herculez new facial hair via Cartoon Network.


Video: MLS Week 1 Goals



Week 1 is done. Courtesy of Climbing the Ladder here's all the goals that are fit to post.

3.30.2008

Abel Sent Off, Lando & Becks Pissed Off, Rapids Go Off

mlssmacktalk

Worst Televised Disasters in World History

5. Britney Spear's 2007 MTV VMA performance
4. LA Galaxy's
complete and utter destruction at the hands of Colorado Rapids
3. Columbine
2. 9/11
1. Hurricane Katrina

3.28.2008

New Blog on the Block: Behind the Badge

BB

Fellow & aspiring bloggers take note. This right here is how you do it.

They Don't Love You Like I Love You: An MLS Map

PlayerMap

So I like maps. The real ones as well as the song by Yeah Yeah Yeah's. Don't ask me why but I just do. To me a good Rand-McNally Road Atlas is just as engrossing as a good Neil Strauss book (I recommend The Game if you're trying to up your mack-factor).

And as I know I'm not alone in my love for cartography of all kinds --because men love them, it's just that we don't need them when we are driving-- and soccer I'm going to point you to this map that I saw over on Beau Dure's USA Today blog. It's a map detailing the origins of every player in the league and it's probably the geekiest thing I'll see all day. And I love it.

You know what is crazy though. There are more Jamaicans, Colombians and Brazilians in MLS than Mexicans...and those guys live right next door! Mind-blowing. And the country with the most players in the league behind the U.S.? Argentina...because it's the new black.

Vampire Weekend Aim To Become Crew Fan's Favorite Band

Indiesoccer

Hey are any of y'all messing with Vampire Weekend? If your daily blogeration is not limited to ones written by guys who're a bunch of wannabe-English soccer snobs and instead includes blogs written by guys who're wannabe-English music snobs, you probably heard of them. If not, the 10 second primer on them is that they are 4 recent Columbia grads who make sweet Afrobeat-infused indie rock while dressed like the Ivy Leaguers that they are.

Somebody in their camp might secretly be a Columbus Crew fan as well, judging by some of their merchandise that's for sale on their website. If the color scheme doesn't convince you that they're backing Sigi Schmid in the 2008 campaign, the presence of a scarf is the clincher. And before you ask, "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" isn't a poorly-titled USL team out of Massachusetts.

But I doubt they'll ever grace the newly-installed stage at Crew Stadium any time soon. So until then you'll have to make due with their Saturday Night Live performance from a few weeks back.

3.27.2008

New Blog on the Block

NYPost

The New York Post --your source for the most scandalous of headlines-- is throwing it hat into the soccer-blogging ring and all I can say is 'welcome'. Now get to work.

Check them out here and don't sleep on bookmarking them or adding them to your blogroll; the more clicks they get, the more likely they won't be replaced by a murder or street hot dogs blog (hey, it's New York).

Video: Get a Taste of the New MLS Marketing Campaign

1st

With First Kick 2008 hovering over us like the Goodyear blimp, it was only a matter of time before we caught a glimpse of some new promo's for a the new season. I was able to get my muscular, toned internet-fingers on this spot that's running on the positively ginormous Panasonic screen outside my office in Times Square.



You may have read that the theme this year is "Football. Futbol. Soccer. MLS." For where the league is at right now and the direction they're taking I think it's kind of fitting that they position themselves as being in line with the world's game. At least that's my interpretation. But you might prefer the old school ads.

And while we are on the topic, the folks in the FC Dallas communications office got some behind the scenes footage from the Dick's Sporting Goods shoot last week with Captain Caveman, Brian Ching, Duilio Davino and Christian Gomez. Watch it, then go give your money to Dick's...support those who support the game!



Run DMB Working on Rangers Return

BeasleyMERC

I don't mean to be funny but I can honestly say that DeMarcus Beasley has been injured so long that I can honestly say that I forgot that he exists. How sad is that?

Good thing Glasgow's The Herald newspaper ran this piece with the Rangers winger yesterday, otherwise I would have replaced John O'Brien milk carton "lost" photo with his. It's brief but does provide a few bit of interesting info: apparently he's just returned to Scotland after having been back in the states rehabbing in Delaware, the Rap state.

Pre-Pubescent Dallas Kid Getting Shot with EPL Club

Kid

Y'all heard about this yet? Big Kenny Cooper's dad spot's this kid playing on a youth club in Dallas who's got some chops, gives England legend Dennis Wise a call and he comes out to Texas (twice) to see the 'lil guy play and tells an EPL club that they need to sign the kid. And the club says "OK, send him over". It's all so very Santiago Munez.

The kid is Emerson Hyndman (son of SMU soccer coach
Schellas Hyndman) and the club is Newcastle. Yes, the Newcastle. Oh and the kid is only....wait for it...11. Nuts right? Even Freddy Adu is going to be shocked when he hears about this. But good luck to the kid, I hope he makes an impression.

And before you start penciling his name into the first team for the United States' 2014 World Cup, a word of warning: he might be eligible for at least 4 national teams. His father was born in Macau, and spent the first eight years of his life in China. His Portuguese grandfather married a Eurasian woman --Schellas's grandmother-- who emigrated from Russia to China. Needless to say that if he turns into another Wayne Rooney (who was signed by Everton at age 10) the US, China, Russia and Portugal might be forced to play a winner-take-all tournament to decide who gets him.

Toronto Star Says Dichio's Days May Be Numbered

Dichio

A title like that is the last thing TFC supporters probably want to hear. But is the Toronto Star is to be believed --and that is a legitimate "if" because they have been known to use blogs like this as sources-- that may be the case.

From today's issue of The Star:

"In all, Dichio scored six goals in an injury-shortened season, one-quarter of the club's total offensive output. His contribution to a terrible team that sprang to life each weekend because of riotous fan support was far greater.

And this is the thanks he gets. New coach John Carver, in his phantom search for team speed, has knocked Dichio behind forwards Jeff Cunningham and Collin Samuel."


Read the piece for yourself but alternating between praise for Dichio and damnation for the team, it's inaugural season and it's staff, it reads like Dichio's life partner wrote it pissed that some lifestyle scaling back might be on the horizon. But the writer is probably not alone in this sentiment as Double D is a legend to the TFC faithful, most of whom would --as Ray Hudson famously put it-- stab their grandmother in the eye for the man.

Personally, I hope he puts a brace past Columbus on Saturday.

Tune in Radio Free Conrad Tonight

JCLOVERS

Now I'm all for people loving whoever they want to love, but everyone knows that Jimmy Conrad is lying when he says that he Sean Wheelock are lovers. First off, he's far too unattractive for a man like Wheelock. Secondly, when two men are in love a decision has to be made and from what I hear it's pretty tough to make the relationship work when both men are "tops". And believe me, from what I've seen that's what both of these guys are...so this right here pretty much sum's it up.

But enough about this fictional love. Tune in to this big liar's live radio show tonight on 810 WHB in KC or online at kcwizards.com and MLSnet.com. And if you are Sean Wheelock's actual lover --you know who you are-- tell him that you know he's full of it and he better stay away from your man because you're not afraid to cut somebody if you have to.

Video: Dynamo 2008 Season Promo



Good morning an welcome back to the show. Our next question on MLS Promo Jeopardy as follows.

Q: Day glow orange, news-hottie Anna Megan and Mike Jones's 5th Ward futbol anthem.

A: What are "things that shouldn't go together but somehow manage to work well"?

3.26.2008

US v. Poland: Yanks Dominate

3nil

Read and rejoice. So go on, make yourself a new screen saver. Unless you're Polish.

So now that we've beat Poland 3 times in the last couple of years I feel like they are the US national team's "friend with benefits"; whenever we need someone we know we can get a result with in Europe, the Fed makes a booty call to Krakow.

Exclusive Red Bulls Interviews from Metrofanatic

JCO

Yesterday was 'Media Day' for the New York franchise. Essentially it's a public school-style open house for the area's journos to schmooze, get quotes and eat really good appetizers. TOR was not in the house because we were doing our real job. Which is a shame because I have loads of potentially unwelcome questions that I could ask.

The NY soccer O.G.'s at Metrofanatic were there though and they got a slew of exclusive interviews with various Red Bull's and some guy called Jeff Agoos. Great stuff from one of the stalwart MLS-centric sites on the net.

Beckham Gets the Start vs. France

Centurian

How great is the internet? The England - France match hasn't even kicked of yet in Paris (the national anthems are now playing) but I've already got photos from the warm up. Incredible. If you are not watching the Yanks you an follow along to Becks 100th match with ESPN's Gameast.

Liverpool Owner In Bid for Montreal Expansion Side

Saputo

Man today is full of surprises. And as it's my wedding anniversary today, this bodes really well for the evening ahead. But enough about that.

In addition to JOB emerging from Saddam Hussein's rat hole, news has emerged today that Montreal Canadiens owner George Gillett is teaming up with Montreal Impact owner Joey Saputo for an MLS bid for 2009! Basically Joey's got the team and stadium, Gillett's got the added cash.

Who knows how this will pan out but I'll bet Saputo & Gillett's bid to achieve Quebecois sporting supremacy lasts a little longer than Gillette's other football venture.

This Just In: John O'Brien Lives

JOBMilk

Oh good God. The last thing I ever expected to see today. Sending out this press release is akin to saying you've got the Ark of The Covenant in your garage and you're going to invite people over to a BBQ where they can come check it out.

Wow. Just wow. For once I think I may be truly speechless.

Video: US Team in Poland with Snow, Ambassadors & Whatnot



Let this serve as a reminder that you need to get your backside away from your monitor and in front of a TV screen this afternoon, if only for a few hours. And, no it's not for Beckham's 100th cap (although we congratulate him). The US plays Poland in Krakow this afternoon in case you forgot or didn't know so go home sick or escape to the bar your choice at 3:30 pm ET.

And if you simply must watch the game on "the third screen" go to FoxSoccer.TV.

If I could be all opinionated for one minute I would like to point out a big, super-sized difference between Bob Bradley and Bruce Arena in regards to how they prep their teams. In the run up to the 2006 World Cup Il Bruce's side faced relative-lightweights Morocco, Venezuela, and Latvia. With World Cup Qualifiers about to ramp up Bob Bradley's side is warming up by playing Poland, England and Spain in Europe and Argentina in New York/New Jersey.

Do you see the contrast here? I'm not a Bruce basher by any means but I have to give Bradley mad props for put the boys up against major powers instead of minor players. Good luck and bring me back some Kielbasas.

Video: Jimmy Conrad on Old Folks Issues



Seriously guys, Jimmy Conrad is talking about retirement and it makes me really sad. I'm talking early Morrissey-sad. I know he's still got a few years left in him but I almost feel like those parents who get all misty-eyed when they start talking about their children going of to college; it's inevitable but it doesn't make it any easier to think about.

3.25.2008

Becks Ponders New Tattoo: A Brian Barkey Cartoon

Becksbarkey

Photo of the Day: Freddy, a Lady & The Other Wizards

Freddylady

The Biggest Midget in The Game™ was court side yet again at the Washington Wizards game last night. I have nothing to say about it other than this photo was just screaming for this caption.

Columbus Acquires Argentine Defender

Padula

My wife & I have a quasi-exotic cat. Despite her Wild Kingdom looks she's sweet as a Blanco free kick, but she's a little precious and can get a little annoyed when she doesn't get what she wants or the attention she craves...and she craves a lot of attention. The 2 most popular suggestions for dealing with this situation that I hear are 1) give her way or 2) get another cat to keep her company.

Columbus just bought another Argentine cat.


Twellman Makes Faces, Relives Past Failures on ESPN

TTKiss

It's gotta be hard to be TT. He leaves the cozy confines of a New England winter to come down to NYC to do a load of media for MLS and what happens? Some anchor on ESPN has to remind him of everything that has ever gone wrong in his life. If he wasn't on TV with his collar popped like some fratdaddy who calls everyone "chief", I would actually feel sorry for him.

What does she bring up? Various MLS Cup failures. The never-ending, never-gonna-happen move to England. Even his secret baseball past (which is maybe only a negative to me). Hell, I'm shocked she didn't bring up any high school rejections from the opposite sex.

And when she gets to baseball he shoots himself in the foot by revealing that his Grandpappy played for the Yankees. Realizing that he may have well just stood in the middle of Boston Common and screamed "I hate chowder, Sam Adams and America's colonial heritage", he follows up the revelation with a quick "but I don't want that to get out."

Sorry chief, but I think it already is.


Video: FC Dallas v. CAP Highlights, Ref Rumble



One of the many pre-season exhibition's played this past week involved FC Dallas and it's Brazillian step-sister Clube Atletico Paranaense. If you didn't catch it on MLSnet over the weekend, check the highlights in the clip above (courtesy of the FC Dallas blog). Not only does it feature a cheeky chip from Davey Wagenfuhr but also a near riot-inducing goal from Pablo Richetti. Seriously, CAP jumped the ref after the goal and things got as ugly as Betty.

3.24.2008

Frogba: A Cartoon By Brian Barkey

Frogba

Sorry Arsenal fans, but this is sort of humorous. It comes courtesy of cartoonist and footie fanatic Brian Barkey. He'll be contributing to TOR from time-to-time so welcome him to the show.

About Brian Barkey:

Brian Barkey has been illustrating for soccer since 1992, when he was first approached to do a cartoon page for United States Youth Soccer. How soccer has changed since that time! Combined with 35 years of playing, Barkey has had a strong 20 plus year career as a coach in Colorado, having worked as a full time Director of Coaching for various clubs. Currently, Barkey is on the staff at Colorado Storm, and works with Colorado Youth Soccer in their developmental soccer program. From cartoons to diagrams, he has been able to produce work for a diverse group of clients all over the United States, including MLS Magazine, USYSA, Indiana Youth Soccer, Minnesota Youth Soccer, Colorado Youth Soccer, and recently Cal-South. If it is about soccer, it can be done by Barkey Creative.

Barkey is a graduate of Denver University, where he studied studio art, and played varsity soccer, and also teaches Art at Lewis Palmer High School in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He has two children, Kelsey (14) and Korbin (11) who are both budding artists.

Video: Drew Carey Goes Galaxy on the Price is Right



I've said it before and I will sure as hell say it again. Drew Carey is one of the best things that can happen to MLS. Celebrity ownership usually doesn't hurt unless you are Louis Farrakhan and you buy a stake in Maccabi Te Aviv. What's even better is when your celebrity owner is on TV every day and is so consumed by the sport that he has Turrets Syndrome when it comes to soccer & he can't help but mention it.

Now Carey always hi-jacks talk shows when he's on them so this is nothing new, but it's still great. I also love Drew's off-handed comment on the price of Galaxy merch (something tells me he doesn't have to pay for his scarves). You what else I love? At the end when the MILF is all jumping around in Drew's face.

Video: The Don & Ben Olson on Fox Bussiness News



You know opening weekend is upon us when you see Captain Caveman and Don 'G Love' Garber repping for the new soccer nation on Fox Business News. Definitely one of the things I least expected to see over my bowl of Muesli this morning, but a welcome surprise nonetheless.

I also didn't expect to mention Ben Olsen twice in one day; not sure that you know this but he's really not one of my favorite players. But that's fine, let the man shine for a while as he is pretty much Mr. DC United at this point. While I don't always respect his play, I do respect his dedication to his side.

Photo of the Day: Dick's Bench Olsen & Co.

Benched

Someone with a bit more access than me shot me over a couple of photos from the Dick's Sporting Goods commercial shoot last week. Featuring Dulio Davino, Brian Ching, and Christian Gomez it should turn out to be a nice bit of soccer-centric advertising with production values that far eclipse your typical Kick-Medic advert.

But what the hell is Ben "Captain Caveman" Olsen looking at? Your guess is as good as mine but I'm going to say either G-D or an imminent disaster involving the lighting rig.

Things You Never Thought You'd See: Yank Plays for Brazil

Broad

So have you heard about this young American chick from Chicago named Leah Fortune? She's 17-years old and playing for the Brazilian ladies U-20's. Apparently she's pretty good and is wowing them down there in rodizio-country with her Rob Johnson-esque throw-ins, to which you can bear witness in the video below, which according to someone who speaks Portuguese compares her to Roberto Carlos:



And if anyone wants to go accusing this girl of being some sort of estrogen-filled version of
Giuseppe Rossi, and you know someone will before sunset tonight, here's something to chew on for a second. Rossi was born to Italian parents in America where he was raised; Fortune was born to American parents in Brazil and left when she was 2 years old. Since I'm sure that there will be tons of debate about her, I'd encourage you to read the whole story here before forming an opinion. I'd also encourage the new Chicago WPS team to sign her, like, now.

Potential for controversy + trademark novelty move + local flavor = box office $.

3.21.2008

Video: Bowling With Hollywood Jon Conway & RBNY



Is it just me or does Jon Conway seem like kind of a dick in the nicest, most Vince Vaughn kind of way? I love it. I bet he'd be awesome to have with you in bar fight.

Cribbed from RBR.

Even Hockey Guys Play Soccer & Freddy Freddy Freddy



I don't know how Finland is fixed for left wingers but they might want to take a look at Pittsburgh Penguin Jarkko Ruutu. He's got speed, creativity and a deft touch. Not bad for a hockey guy.

Also everybody still loves Freddy today. Even the chicken wing eaters at ESPN.

Freddy Freddy Freddy Freddy Freddy Freddy

Freddy

"Don't call it a come back. I been here for years." Today folks, everyone loves Freddy.

3.20.2008

Video: Sneak Peak of Becks on Sunday's 60 Minutes


As if FSC's MLS preview wasn't enough to keep you entertained on Sunday night, Anderson Cooper will be profiling David Beckham on this weeks episode of 60 Minutes. Crazy right? When they hell did Anderson Cooper leave CNN?

As far as the segment goes I'm guessing a bunch of stuff gets revealed that we may not know. Like how David and manager Simon Fuller have the option to purchase a team when David's contract is up in 2011...something Fred Wilpon should keep in mind if he wants a partner for his Queens franchise. Or that from the looks of things his recent tattoo of wife Victoria is not as naked as was originally thought.



You know what's really interesting to me? That he's wearing David Beckham Academy training gear instead of Galaxy gear. C'mon son, promote the brand that's promoting you.

KC Blog Gets Exclusive with The Streaker

Hillcrest

Damn you KC Wizards blog guys! You beat me and several other equally interested bloggers to the prize of the week; an exclusive with the streaker! I wish I had it in my heart to hate you for it but I just can't. You saw a hole and you ran for it, and for that I have to give props. Still, you could have at least asked her what her sign was, if she liked chubby dudes or what type of underwear she likes to see on a man.....there's a raft of guys out there who are sweating her and they need all the intel they can get.

Who The Hell is Corey Ashe?

wingman

I don't know? Never really paid much attention or he never really caught my attention before last night. I did see him interviewed by Glenn Davis once though. But the dude was killing it out wide. So someone tell me...who the hell does Corey Ashe think he is?

Weezer Frontman is Galaxy Fan, Soccer Video Auteur

Rivers

Now if you look at that photo above you will notice that Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo no longer looks like Buddy Holly. He kinda looks more like a smarmy guy from the 70's named Stew but that's either here nor there.

That photo was of a triumphant moment for him when he scored the opening goal at the Mia Hamm-Nomar Garciaparra Celebrity Soccer Challenge in LA a while back, which was a bit of a big deal for the emo godfather and LA Galaxy season ticket holder. Why? Watch his new video for the tenderly-titled song "Lover in the Snow" and all will be revealed.

Uptown Baby, Uptown Baby!: Socceratti Come Out for Harlem

Harlem

Talk about ballin' outta control. Last night the cream of players & playas' in the American soccer, corporate & political scene converged on NYC's Gotham Hall in aid of Harlem Youth Soccer at a $1250-a-plate black tie affair. For that kind of cash you just know the steak was as juicy as a Biggie classic joint.

So who was in the house? Well obviously Pele, because A) he's in the picture and B) if you put on a soccer-related event of even marginally high-profile you are obligated to invite him (also Becks was giving him an award so there's that as well). Various members of the MLS Board of Governors (who where in town for their annual cabal) including Uncle Phil Anschutz, & The Don were there. Bigwigs from Adidas, Nike, Visa, Dicks, and just about every other company that spends money on MLS also ponied up on the night. The original President Bush and former President Clinton were to chair the event but sent in taped messages instead (they can get steak anytime).

But TOR wasn't there. Sorry gang, but we don't have that much juice yet. And we didn't run into Becks at NoBu afterward either (sorry, but our budget is all going towards PF Chang's at the moment). But Adam Spangler was there and would love to tell you about it. Read all about it here.

3.19.2008

Kasabian to Pay Tribute to Rene "The Scorpion" Higuita?




Not bad for skinny-assed rock kid is it? That's Kasabian guitarist and former Leicester City youth player Serge Pizzorno's quite nice free kick from Soccer AM which has achieved cult-like status from fans of the band and TV show alike. Apparently the footie fixated axeman is trying to convince his band mates to all grow 'soccer-rockers' as a tribute to Rene "The Scorpion"Higo.

While it's is a nice gesture I'd rather see them annihilate a room than ruin their chances with women. Watch this clip and you'll see what I mean. This is what real block-rockin', arena-destroying power is all about.

Photo of the Day: The New-Look Crew Stadium

Crew

Weird to see Crew Stadium enter the land of stage-end stadiums, right? Though it might take some getting used to and is not the most aesthetically pleasing thing it's probably going to be for the best. If this helps them book more concerts it will probably help them get a naming rights deal...and both of those things mean more money, less problems.

DC United Owns Harbour View: A Slideshow

Owned

So yeah, DC put it that smack down on Harbour View last night. Since it's been a year since we've done one of these, and since in never gets old we'll do it again. Rewind my selecta!

3.18.2008

New Soccer Gaming Franchise for Nintendo DS

Fab

Beatles fans shouldn't get too excited by that title as the only marginally Liverpudlian's in this new video game is some guy named Reyes. It's not out yet but Fab 5 Soccer aims to fill the FIFA void on Nintendo hand-held platform; if for nothing else, buy it for you kid to keep him away from your XBOX.

Still No Definitive Answers on Babayaro's Departure

Celestine

I know firsthand that when it comes to needing MLS-related content that you have to sometimes scrape the bottom of the peanut butter jar. But this incomplete thought of an article is really bad form on Goal.com's part. Why make your headline a question that you don't answer?

Mind you I don't know the answer but I did hear that it may (and I stress may) have been related to an Afroman-like affliction that many pro athletes suffer from. Anyone heard anything similar or different?

The Dema Kovalenko Story, a Lifetime Original Presentation



Yes, it is true that Dema Kovalenko has been know to break a leg. A leg or two. But there is so much more to the man who once plied his trade in Chicago, DC & NY and now finds himself in Utah. For instance did you know that he was actually originally drafted by Dallas, which happens to be the team that both of his victims played for? Ironic no?

There's a bunch of other stuff that you can learn about him is you watch this video. Make sure you have some Kleenex handy because it's a long, Lars Von Trier-style tear-jerker.

Amado on the Verge of MLS Return

Amado

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said "There are no second acts in American life." But you know what? Hondurans aren't trying to hear what he has to say. Toronto may have just gotten good.

3.17.2008

Lady Soccer Streaker IDed, Arrested

Streaker

It's amazing what you can find in the county records if you know what to look for. The same goes for Myspace. Dare I say it, but this girl has captivated the (soccer) nation like no one since "Kristen" did all those days ago.

Here's a question. Who do you prefer Tiffany or Spitzer's special lady?

My Dude Sasha Kljestan in Sooooo Myspace

Peacenik

Sasha

Red Bull New York: Private Planes, Public Figures

Mork

When you don't fly coach, you don't run into riff-raff. You run into Mork. As for riff-raff like you and I, the team plans on running into us a lot in the next few weeks, so don't forget to go and get your "going out shirt" back from the cleaners.

New US Soccer Marketing Plan Just in Time for Nashville

olympic

Now that the U-23's are booked for a trip to Primetown, it might be time for the marketing bods over at the US Soccer Federation to come up with a sexy new promo campaign for the knockout stages to avoid the unsightly events of Tampa. If this won't bring make the kids buy tickets, nothing will.

You're welcome.

3.16.2008

Return of the Mc




Feels like an epoch has passed since we've seen this. Good to have you back man.

3.13.2008

Becks Shills Fish Oil



Oh dear. This right here has got to sting the Herbalife folks a bit. I'm sure they thought theirs was the only cockamamie natural supplement that Becks would be endorsing whilst in LA. If you sit real still and turn down the CD, you might be able to hear Jorge Vergara saying "damn, blast it!" while striking his desk with his fist.

2 More Cubans Say "Screw it, Why Not?", Defect in Florida

Free

TOR tip #7: when foreign nationals defect, don't ever say the following in the paper unless you want to be suspected as the driver of the getaway car.

''I watched their game against the U.S. on TV, and I thought the Cuban team played very well,'' Muzzi said. ``We were kind of scouting that game because anytime a Cuban team comes to the United States, there's a chance someone might defect.''

That qoute is from the USL's Miami FC general manager Luiz Muzzi in the Miami Herald. He obviously missed media training day.


UPDATE: Miami FC wastes no time and is bringing 5 of the players into camp this weekend. Chancers.

RSL Want to Be Just Like DC When They Grow Up

Shield

There are some people say imitation is the best form of flattery. Some people think those people are wrong (and little full of themselves). And then other people just think it's plain ol' bitin'.

I don't know what category this one falls under, but RSL just launched it's own blog called "Behind the Shield". Which is a bit funny because DC United has been doing something online called "Behind the Badge" for more than a minute now. Deliberate bite or monument to lack of creativity?

First they grab Eddie Pope, Talley, Freddy, Rimando, and Eski for the field. Then Garth Lagerwey gets a swivel chair in Utah. Now they're taking there covetous ways into cyberspace. RSL is officially all up in DC's jock.

New Jersey Keeper Konopka Joins The European Ranks

Porkroll

Need further proof that American goalies are "the new black" in Europe? Even backups that haven't even made an appearance in MLS are getting signed in Europe. Mind you in this case it is in the Eirecom League, but their ambulances have a funny sound so in my mind it's totally Europe.

My local newspaper, the Asbury Park Press (which BTW is the poorest excuse for newspaper in New Jersey and the nation), has a piece on local boy and former Kansas City Wizard Chris Konopka. I don't know him but met his brother a couple of times…good guy. Anyway, for a guy that never even played a game for KC he seems to be doing quite well; he's actually playing for Bohemian FC and is part of the u-23's pool. Say it with me now....Toms River represent!

You can read the whole thing here but I wouldn't recommend ever reading anything else in this publication.

3.12.2008

NSR: The Govenor's Hooker is Hot!

spitz

Not to get all Huffington Post on you but this is the woman Elliot Spitzer was paying for sex. I certainly don't condone it but I thought you might want to see what $4300-for-2-hours tail looks like. If you like what you see, holler at her on Myspace.

http://www.myspace.com/ninavenetta (link is now dead).

"ON THE BENCH!" Debuts Friday the 14th



A bit of a regurgitated post but it bears repeating. Months and months ago TOR hipped you to a show called EXTRA TIME! that was in it's early, braces-and-a-training bra stages. While that show is still in the formative stages, it's creators- Tegan Summer Productions- prepare to drop another show called On The Bench! and it's premiering March 14th on Setanta. Play the clip above to get and a sneak peek and to find out that you should never A) show up in Cobi Jones bathroom unannounced, B) show up without knocking in general, or C) touch the man's ride.

Totally Not Shocking News: 5 Cuban Players Defect

Cuban

The second Florida was announced as the site for Cuba's 3 Olympic qualifiers you just knew this was inevitable. Man, communist body guards assigned to anti-defection duty have really fallen off since the Russians gave up the cause.

If anyone is really looking for them, try checking Maykel Galindo's couch.

Not-Nicolas Cage Pulls Off Italian Job at Real Madrid

NotCage

I love soccer. I love pranks. I love this. But if it was me that the guy came to see though, I would force him prove his identity by playing the Leaving Las Vegas drinking game with me. What's the Leaving Las Vegas game? You watch the movie and take a drink every time Cage's character does. Shit's crazy y'all.

The first time you play it, drink only beer and you've got a good shot at being cognizant when the closing credits roll. After a few practice viewings you'll want to test your mettle in the Master Class; drink what he drinks, when he drinks it. You'll be completely out of your tree before he even gets accosted by Elizabeth Shue.

Check the impostor out on video though...he's pretty convincing.

Nowak on Jozy's Sub, SF on the "Disappointment"

jozyknock

Like many who watched last night's U-23 match vs. communist Cuba, I've been wondering what was going on with Jozy Altidore to get him subbed out at the half. Well here's half an answer from coach Piotr Nowak courtesy of New York soccer's wise-owl Micheal Lewis over at Big Apple Soccer.

"Jozy got knocked a couple of times. We talked to our doctor and talked to Jozy. Some precautionary stuff."

Huh. I wonder what that means? I guess we'll see come Thursday but I'm sure the uncertainty surrounding the young stud will only help feed the growing panic surrounding the 80's Babies match last night. Seriously, everyone using any tense of the word "disappoint" would be well served to just calm the fuck down right now. Michael Lewis included.

New York Times, calm the fuck down...twice. Soccer America, calm the fuck down (and quit trying to charge people for stories that weren't written by you). Glenn Davis, I love you but calm the fuck down. Tampa Bay.com, calm the fuck down (although you do have a point with the attendance). Steven Goff is a G-D, but I will respectfully request that he too calm the fuck down.

It's one match people. One match.

Great Blessing of Blessings! Meaningful MLS Action Tonight!

BMO Field

Remember that crap song "Long December" from that crap band Counting Crows? As dull as that track was I think I related to it for the 1st and hopefully only time this off-season. Unless you are into Winter X-Games or own a snow plow business, the season after Fall and before Spring just blows. Thank the deity of your choice that it comes to an unofficial end tonight when DC United and Houston Dynamo get it crackin' in the CONCACAF Champions Cup.

What's that? You forgot or didn't know this competition existed? Don't sweat it since this is the last year it will exist in it's current form. But know this; you'll need to be sure to get a sixer and a comfy chair because it's a double-header on FSC tonight so it's going to be a long one.

You should also know that I was some kind of Negrodamus in last year's tournament so be sure holler at me on your way to the bookies.

3.11.2008

Alright Geezer: West Ham to Face MLS All-Star Team

Hammers

Come All-Star time, Toronto may be awash with claret & blue...and it almost certainly won't be due to an influx of Rapids supporters. A little birdy from ESPN named Kristian Dyer tells me that MLS is close to announcing that the opponent for the 2008 MLS All Star Game will be English Premier League club West Ham. How do you say "Cockney hell" in Canadian?

A source within the league who wished not to be identified confirmed to Dyer that the Hammers will be the third English club to participate in the mid-summer match. After the two previous EPL victims -Fulham in 2005 and Chelsea in 2006- fell at the feet of the MLS best XI, 2007 was spent spanking Celtic. Also of note is that this year's event will be the first All-Star game held outside the United States.

Now, our guy also tells me that Liverpool was on the radar but the club's recent bout of bad, uneven play -and subsequent uncertain status in the league standings- led to unease within the league office concerning their availability; word is that Liverpool wanted to commit after the EPL season had concluded but this would compromise the league's ability to adequately promote the game. So MLS said no and made a call to East London.

West Ham, although less of a marquee of a team then some of the recent guest clubs to participate in the event, does feature a number of international players who are better than you; Swedish international Freddie Ljungberg, English midfielder Kieron Dyer, Peruvian standout winger Nolberto Solano, Portuguese international Luis Boa Morte and versatile American defender Jonathan Spector and are all on the payroll. So keep an eye out (and a credit card handy) for confirmation on the deal over the next two weeks.

Are you down with West Ham as an opponent? Who do you think the All-Star's should play? Let it be known in the comments.

Slow Day Red Bulls Post

video

That video arrived in my inbox courtesy of the people who take my money at RBNY. Good thing too since I had been slacking on getting my season tickets updated. And it had been a while since I had heard the Jason Nevins remix of Run-DMC's "It's Like ThatSince they took the time to remind me that there is all kinds of stuff going in RBNYland I'll take-one-and-pass-it-down to you.

Most importantly, to me and my "desperate for meaningful action" mind, is that The Boy King of New York & Jersey™ & Hunter Freeman are on the US squad for this week's Olympic Qualifiers (which start tonight on FSC so get stuck in). Also Claudio Reyna is looking to have a better year than last. But Glen Davis doesn't think it will happen and Reyna's career is as done as that guy from Crazytown who's on Celebrity Rehab. And from the "that's wack" file comes news that unfortunately for Dane Richards 2008 has started on a bad note…a very bad note.

3.10.2008

How Do I Get to Carlos & Charlies?: Revs in Mexico

Cancun

Yes that is Chris Albright, drink in hand inside a pink hot-tub and possibly in his underwear. Go on my son...that is how you ball in the delightfully tacky style that can only be achieved in Cancun. By the looks of things it hasn't been all business on the Rev's now-customary pre-season trip to Mexico.

The Boston Globe has a nice little photo gallery from the trip but unfortunately they seem to have omitted any shots of Joe Franchino falling off the wagon with a bunch of drunk, office workers-gone-wild in town from Indianapolis for Jennifer's bachelorette party (bachlorette's are always called Jennifer). But on the plus side there is a photo of TT looking a little lonesome while two dudes that are possibly his team mates drop the mack in the background that I may nominate for Photo of the Year So Far.

Lone