2.28.2008

Video: The TFC Season Preview



Sure Ronnie O'Brien has recently departed, but even though this is outdated by 24 hours (an absolute eternity in blog years) this bit is hil-arious. Remember: lumberjacks = sons of bitches.

So Much for Not Blogging

I posted something somewhere else, but I wanted to do the obligatory Philly expansion post before today's presser because that's what everyone else is going to post about today. And once I start posting about what every one else is this will become bunk.

Alos for the record, I'm liking Philly better than Seattle.

2.25.2008

FYI...I'm on Holiday

Ehy y'all. Don't expect too much from me this week as I am in Florida on vacation with the family. Feel free to post whatever you want to that I may miss in the comments.

2.23.2008

Beckham's Message in a Bottle



This is smartly funny. Highlights (if you are Japanese) of the Galaxy-Gamba Osaka match featuring David Beckhams frustrated expressions and The Police's "Message in a Bottle". I wonder if he really feels like there is "no one here but me oh"?

2.22.2008

John McCain is an SoB

SOB

The title of this post is not a political statement or an indictment of his mother's disposition. It's just a hunch, judging from his tie which looks like a dead ringer for the one the Son's of Ben have been known to sport. DC & NY supporters better think about voting Democrat; if they get a man in White House there's no telling what kind of shit they'll get away with.

You Know What? KC Girls Are Kinda Cute.

XI

5, 8 & 11. Those are the 3 hottest members of the Kansas City Wizards Starting XI Girls in my humble opinion. For some reason the curls always get me (number 5), when I go to Popeye's I always order dark breast & thigh meat (number 8) and the short hair with the neck collar reminds me of all the punky girls I used to run around with in high school (number 11).

But that's just my take, what say you? Take this opportunity to be the judge and drop your top 3 into the comments. And if you need more material with which to base your perverted picks on hit up the Hillcrest Road blog for more pictures and low-down on last nights Starting XI's girls tryout.

And fellas please don't ask me for the hook up...even if I knew them and my missus didn't have me on lock I wouldn't share. I'm just selfish like a Slum Village record.

2.21.2008

It's On: Philly Announcement to Come Next Week

Celebrate

Somebody put the Yuengling on ice because drinky time may well be upon us. Philly.com is reporting that Feb. 28th will be the day that Illadelphia soccer fans will finally get to party like it's 1999; the league has tentatively marked it down for a press conference to announce the city as the league's 16th team.

And you the party should not be confined to those living along the Delaware River. New York and DC fans should get bent as well for they'll both be gaining a close rival and an even closer road trip destination than they now have. As a fan of the New York club there are two words that get my nuts all riled up about Philly: rail service.

2.20.2008

TOR Exclusive: Wally's World

Anthony

I made a collect call (because I am ghetto like that) to FC Dallas and tried to get Big Kenny Cooper on the phone about a potentially lucrative business venture. For some reason they wouldn't let me talk to him, but they would give me Anthony Wallace, FC Dallas' U-20 & U-23 starlet. Before he threatened to school me on the pitch -which he could do with ease- we talked teammates, fistfights, and learning foreign languages in attempt to lure broads abroad. Oh yeah, and Biggie.


What's good Anthony? Where are you right now?
Not too much. Right now I’m at the FC Dallas training facility just hanging out, about to head home.

How have you spent your off-season?
Off season was pretty boring. I spent that with the family in Florida. I was pretty much home the whole time, a couple of trips, hanging out. I went to Argentina (U-20 camp in November), and then I had a camp in Florida (U-23’s in January). Those were pretty fun, especially Argentina…almost got killed…(laughing) but I can’t go into too much detail about that.

Potential death is always a hoot. Speaking of the U-20's, you are one of the fabled "80's Babies" who wrecked shop at the U-20's this past summer. How was it for you?
80’s baby??? I guess I’m kind of lucky on that, I was born in 89 so I didn’t get to spend too much time in the 80’s but I guess it’s OK if you want to give me that title. That was a great experience, to play in a World Cup, especially at my age, being a lot younger than a lot of the competition…that was pretty fun.

For your money, which member of the U-20's not named Anthony Wallace has got the most game?
The most game in what? We played some basketball in camp and the MVP’s were me and Chris Seitz. Chris Seitz has some game in basketball, I must say.

Now talking about a different kind of ballin', I understand that you went to the University of South Florida. It's a big party school right?
Yes.

Did you take any classes with this girl and if not do you know anyone there that looks like her?

Sterger

I knew a couple of girls on campus that looked like her. The Sun Dolls, they’re like the dance team for basketball and football, those girls right there.

So dude I've always wondered...do Generation Adidas guys get closets full of free Adidas gear?
I wouldn’t say a full closet. I’d say maybe a half closet.

So what's the best piece of swag that you have received for being an athlete?
From my agency, I got this camcorder, that’s pretty cool.

Your bio says that you are "semi-fluent in Spanish" which you "wanted to learn in order to talk to the girls for a trip to Argentina". How'd that work out for you chief?
That worked out…not so well. I only knew simple stuff like “hola”, “como esta”…things like that. I know a lot more now but I’m not a big time conversation holder yet.

Who's the toughest guy on FC Dallas to cover in training?
I’d say Kenny. That kid’s crazy! He’s big, physical, all that.

Say your team gets to scrapping on the field, which teammate would you want to have your back?
(without hesitation) Adrian Serioux. That guy is crazy! Adrian could be my bodyguard any day of the week.

(Ed. note: Good choice as any dude that brings a damn pit bull to practice probably one of the harder guys on the field.)

Now Wally don't take this as hateration but I'm just gonna throw this out there...for a Brooklyn-born boy your Biggie tribute needs some serious work. Are you a hip hop fan?
Let’s hear your Biggie tribute! What are you talking about?!?! I am a hip-hop fan. Even though my Biggie tribute was not that wild, come see me on the soccer field, SF…with your code name, I see how it is.

Dude you'd house me...I'm so fat and old that I wouldn't last 10 minutes before I keeled over. And I soooo can't rap. Here's one last question,..do you think you can tell Big Kenny to holler at me...I think I can get him an endorsement deal from a neck bolts company.

You’re gonna have to get with Kenny on that one. I can’t help you out on that, since you wanna talk about my Biggie tribute.

Awww damn dog! I'm trying to get him paid!

Video: Freddy's ESPN "Next" Segment



According to twin funny-fucks Randy & Jason Sklar, Freddy Adu looks like an accountant. An immature accountant who should be "farting in the orange slices". And I thought I was harsh on The Biggest Midget in the Game™.

The clip above is an excerpt from their NEXT special on ESPN which is now showing pretty regularly. If you're looking for something to keep you awake tonight between the Galaxy and Dynamo witching hour matches I'm sure it will be on one of the myriad of ESPN's out there...possibly "the Ocho".

Dribble Like Jehuu



Do you know who Jehuu Caulcrick is? He's bad little bulldog of a running back out of Michigan State. Born in Liberia, he got a pretty amazing story to tell that speaks to America's continued role as a home for the huddled masses.

In the clip above he tells ESPN that the only reason he plays football is because his school didn't offer soccer -something that I too experienced in 8th grade. Now watch him speed past linebackers and power of would-be tacklers and think for a second about what he would be like on the pitch had he stayed with soccer?

When Marvell Wynne came into the spotlight everyone was quick to point out that he was an example of what happens when our best athletes -not just soccer players, but athletes- play the game instead of baseball, football etc. I think Caulcrick could have been another Wynne or maybe even something better. Dude could have been the Jerome Bettis on the game...now he's just another running back (albeit a damn good one).

I guess I'll just file this (along with my Megamillions hopes) in the "what if" file. But what if our top athletes did look to soccer first, how drastically would that change the game in this country?

Video: Drew Carey's Travel Channel Show



Remember when Drew Carey had his soccer show on the travel channel? Shit was awesome. How ill would it be to have some network pay you to drag your fat butt around the globe taking in some of the world's best teams, stadiums and cities? It would be about as cool as finding a way to get paid to sleep with attractive people but without becoming a porn star, prostitute or trophy wife.

But not only did Sir Drew do it, but he did it in style. How many people not under contract can say they've sat in the ass-sweat stains of Zidane, Beckham, & Robinho on the sidelines of the Bernabeau aka the poshest bench in existence?

2.19.2008

Video: Player Gets a Bad Break in Every Sense of the Word



Oh Snap! Literally. This is so gruesome, ghastly and grisly that I can't even watch it a second time. Even the still image is enough to make me line up shots of Pepto Bismol.

LA Galaxy Survivor: South Pacific

beckscap

LA Galaxy have got issues. Salary cap issues to be specific. With El Pescadito, Goldenballs, and Landycakes taking up half of the estimated $2.3 million salary cap, they're going to have to make some American Idol-style eliminations when when they return from their swing through Hawaii & Asia. LA Daily Breeze writer Billy Witz suggests that it's the guys in the middle of the salary pack that will get their walking papers; Chris Klein ($187,250), Abel Xavier ($156,000), Edson Buddle ($150,000), midfielder Peter Vagenas ($131,875) Ante Jazic ($114,000) and maybe even new-boy Greg Vanney ($236,000) who has yet to even suit up for the Gals, who have arrived in Honolulu.

Who do I have my money on? I don't know if it's likely but if I it were me I'd have Edson Buddle out on the first boat back to mainland because he is straight up bunk. I'd also probably use Vagenas or Klein as trade bait. But what do I know...

TOR Exclusive: The Kurt Morsink Inquisition

Kurt


So what do you know about Kurt Morsink? Probably not much unless you are Eddie Johnson, Costa Rican or a blood relative. While perusing the Wizards roster last week I was wondering my damn self "who is this kid?" So my inquiring mind made a long-distance call and found out all about Mr. Morsink's gambling habits, spending habits, and his former roomate's -one Eddie Johnson- cleaning habits.



What's up Kurt? Where are you?
Sunny Bradenton, FL. It’s way better than Kansas City right now. I think KC is about 0 degrees today, so it’s definitely way better to be here. Plus we get to play a lot of poker here with teammates.

You grew up in Costa Rica right? Which club from down there would you least like to face in CONCACAF competition?
None. First, I would love to face any of those teams because I think we’d be able to beat any team from Costa Rica. Second, it would be nice to be able to go back to Costa Rice and play against those teams. It would be nice to play against my old club Liga Deportiva Alajuelense.


More importantly do you know where I should party if go down there for a visit/bender?
I was actually just at a resort called Melia Conchal with my girlfriend. It’s a nice tourist area. A paradise with a beach and a five-star resort. I recommend you go there.

Now you were Eddie Johnson's roommate back in the day. Was he the "I'm gonna "borrow" some of your cologne until it's all gone" type of roommate or the "Kurt would you please pick your underwear up from the living room floor because it attracts pests and scares the ladies" type?
Probably the second. He liked to keep the room clean. I like it clean too; we had a lot in common in that sense. We weren’t too picky, but we liked a neat organized place.

Speaking of EJ, have you seen the photos of his new Gucci outfit?
I hadn’t seen it, but I just did. He definitely doesn’t lack style. He’s definitely not shy about using some of his income toward his wardrobe. That doesn’t surprise me at all.


And what do you waste entirely too much money on?
I’d definitely say poker because I think I’m a great poker player, but I’ve won one poker tournament out of about 100 since I’ve been here. But, I won the first 2008 tournament the Wizards had, so that gives me confidence going into this year’s tournaments.

I see. So what's the one thing that you are cheap about?
Living with Eddie, I learned to be cheap about nothing. I’m more of a gambling, spend my money stupidly type than a cheap type of guy. I’m more of the outgoing, free-spending type. I probably should take better care of my money, actually.


You've been in KC for a minute now. Tell me something about the city that I don't know.
It’s actually very different than when you’re just visiting. It’s got great casinos and it’s good to party, but it’s definitely a great place to live. Visiting for a couple of days, there’s not the most to do, but it’s a good place to live. It’s a good mixture of big-city and small town.


I understand you were some kind of bad ass at James Madison. Do you find that college soccer with it's unlimited substitutions, and lack of stoppage or injury time is in some ways a completely different game from the pro game?

I think the college soccer rules are a joke, to be honest. Unlimited substitution and the clock stopping? I think it should be switched. I think it’s kind of disrespectful toward a game with such rich tradition.

You do a really bad rat impersonation but is there one that you do well?
That was one of my first impersonations there, courtesy of former teammate Nick Garcia in my rookie year. I don’t do the best impersonations, but the best person who does great impersonations of our teammates is assistant coach Kris Kelderman. He can do about anyone, and it’s hilarious. He does Michael Harrington really well… his walk. He does Sergei Raad, a guy who was on the team last year, he does an impersonation of him to a tee.


Lastly, what is Kurt Morsink doing in 2008?

Like any soccer player and his teammates, we’re trying to bring a championship to Kansas City. That’s our goal for the whole team. It’s really our main goal. That’s my main goal personally and for the team just win a championship because we were close last year, and I think we have the right tools and the right coaching staff to make a run at it this year.

Eski on Life After Salt Lake



Do you see how long Eski's hair is now that he's in LA? No matter what he says, it's just a matter of time before he starts going Razov & Klejstan's hair-dresser.

2.18.2008

Toronto Trying to Get "Golden Boy"

joao

36 year old striker. Diver. Adulterer. "Golden Generation" or not why is anyone in MLS trying to sign João Pinto?

2.16.2008

Chicago: Conde Wants Out, Marlet Wants In

conde

Damn y'all, if Chicago fans weren't already hating on New York for the "coach-poach" of Juan Carlos Osorio, the possible defection of defender Wilman Conde could be the thing that makes even the most even-keeled Fire supporter lose thier religion.

Run over to Luis Arroyave's Red Card blog for Conde's soliloquy in it's entireity but the Cliff's Note version is that Conde was brought to Chicago by JCO, and he wants to leave Chicago with JCO. Now I've no idea how much of this is just wishful thinking on Conde's part or if JCO really is trying to get the and back together but I'll tell you this; if this is going to happen Chicago has to make Red Bull pay dearly. Not just for business-sake, but for thier own self-respect.

Not everyone wants to escape Bridgeview though. Formerly fantastic French International Steve Marlet is currently on trial with the Fire and is hoping to be Chitown-down in 2008. Seems like ages ago that he was Fulham then-record £12 million man, doesn't it?

2.15.2008

Go Back to the Bay with FSC



Welcome back. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Brian Ching to Return to Motherland


Can we take a moment to get all sentimental and happy for Brian Ching. When the Pan Pacific Championship kicks off next, dude gets to play his 1st game in his native Hawaii in 12 years. It will also be his 1st there with an MLS or national team. That's just going to insane for him. He's like the Jackie Robinson of Hawaiian soccer.

For this reason I am throwing my lot in with Houston in this tournament. I'd love to see the hometown guy get the victory and get carried off like the field like Rudy. And even though he's no Beckham, I hope the guy can help put enough butts in seats to ensure that this tournament happens again next year...I want a holiday in the sun something fierce.

Headbanging For Headers



I never saw this commercial back in the day but it's fantastic. The late, great Mooch Myernick, Paul Bravo and some metal song; when did MLS commercials lose this sense of humor?

And the Winners Are...

ballround

And the winners of the free copies of The Ball is Round are dmarcus, gbamit and the intriguingly named novemberbeardclub. If this is you send me an email with your address and I'll get them out to you asap.

I've got some more stuff to giveaway in the next few weeks so keep an eye out for more free stuff from TOR and whoever I can trick into handing over the goods!

Frivolous Friday: Hot & Humorous WAG Video



It's Friday so let's keep it crackin' by jumping from hot cars to hot women...what say you boys? To help us along with our shallowness I'm enlisting the cats from Foreign Rubbish™ to give us the definitive countdown of luscious WAG's. But as with any list there is always room for debate; if you've got a WAG that's smokin' but didn't make the list drop us a link (and who she's shagging) in the comments where her fitness will surely be debated ad nauseum.

Becks' Car is Finer Than His Free Kicks

BecksStunna

Our man FERENGi® sent us the photo above, noting that "Becks whip game is proper". Proper is an understatement. Dude is straight stuntin' in the truest sense of the word; fool even did some egotastic sh*t and got his number, 23, put on all the head rests. Needless to say he's a finalist for TOR's prestigious Baller of the Year award.

Baller

2.14.2008

Pele is Now Free to Play the Field

pelegame

Guess who's back on the block? Yes, the old master is getting divorced/paroled from his wife of 13 years. Why? Because he "doesn't have enough time...to make his marriage work". Now there's a happy Valentine's message.

So ladies if you like your men famous, rich, old or a combination of the three you might want to dust of your best gold-digging outfit before the queue gets too long. I wonder if he still has that suit? Shit, I bet he still fits in it if he does.

Houston Strikeforce is Officially "Anemic "

kenny

Damn, lil' Paulie Dalglish is on trial at Leeds, playing for their reserve squad even. I had no idea that he even left Houston. So with him Nate Jaqua, and Joseph N'Gwenya out of the player pool that leaves the Dynamo with Brian Ching and Chris Wondlowski at forward....a combination that just doesn't scream "threepeat" to me.

Los Toros Have Their Finger on the Youtube Pulse

Anonymous

One of the funniest things I've seen in a while. Supporters + Pop Culture = brilliance.

Hat tip to Andrew for pointing this one out.

DC Mayor Does 180 on Stadium Financing

DCStade

If no news is good news, then their must be a lot of it in regards to the proposed stadium for DC United at Poplar Point. It feels like it's been ages since we heard anything -good or bad- about the project, but that all changed today. The Washington Post and The Examiner are reporting that Mayor Adrian Fenty is back on board with the project and has agreed to use at least $150 million in taxpayer dollars to fund the $230 million stadium.

That certainly sounds like good news but before all you DCenters start throwing your celebratory tailgate down on the Anacostia there are two things you should note. One is that there is a press conference today to announce this but no mention of it on MLSnet and the other is that a spokesman for DC United principal owner Victor B. MacFarlane is quoted in the Post today as saying "We do not have any deal with the District."

Do I think this is going to happen? It certainly looks like it but I think there still might be a ways to go before the ride is over. But if a little patience is what's needed to keep this club in the district then by all means, United fans should start studying Buddhism or something.

2.13.2008

NSR: Kanye's "Flashing Lights" Video



Finally a video comes out for the most-wanted cut on Ye's latest album and after watching this about 6 times I've decided that it doesn't disappoint. At first I was unsure, but I'm now officially with it.

It's a 2:47sec slice of cinematic glory that's got it all. Sex, violence, a hot car, and pyro; your basic Las Vegas Saturday night. But you really need to watch this for yourself if for nothing other than learning what the proper way to dispose of your clothes when committing a felony. And judging from all the chatter in the comments of the Jimmy Conrad mixtape post I know there are some music heads out there who'll soooooo have an opinion on this one.

Pour yourself a drink and watch out for those flashing, lights, lights, lights, lights!

LA's '08 Exhibition Slate Gets It's First Date

heartmoney

There was a little chatter about this a few days ago but I thought I'd wait until it was official before I started talking about it (not that rumor-status has ever stopped me before). And now that it's official that the Galaxy will be playing an exhibition in Edmonton on May 13th I'll break my silence and give the cash-catchers at AEG props for adding an '08 leg to the Buck for Becks World Tour™ and returning to Canuckistan so soon.

A lot of people (probably including me at some point) have ridiculed the Galaxy for their new-found drawing power but in the grand scheme of things it's really wonderful that this league has a team that can go on the road and get people excited in the same way that we get excited when Liverpool, Barcelona or one of the other big Euro teams comes stateside. It's great for the players to have the experience, great for fans in non-MLSland to see the product, and it's great for the club's bottom line.

In fact the only person it's not great for is the Vancouver Whitecaps who will once again provide the opposition for the Galaxy. While I'm sure this is "good" for them, it can't be "great" to be skating so close to true Washington Generals status.

RSL's Name Actually Isn't All That Bad.

march_in_washington_1979

People still hate on Real Salt Lake for their name. Sure there's nothing royal or even marginally Spanish about SLC but it's been 3+ years so we should move on. At least until they get re-branded.

But even if RSL is a marginally absurd moniker for the team, looking at the photo above you have to admit that it could be worse. There's a reason you never hear about the failed NASL expansion bid from 1979.

Video: Landon Donovan's FIFA Street 3 Trailer



FIFA Street 3 is coming out in just a few short weeks. And while it's no match for the full-game experience of FIFA 08 or Pro Evolution, it is the amazing for providing you with a new platform to drunkenly talk sh*t to your boys.

This year's model looks a little cartoonish graphically, but it the motion, moves & body movements are on fire. And this despite the fact that all the characters appear to have been created from a Peter Crouch template; even little Landon Donovan looks tall & slender in this game. He also looks like he could put a digitally-enhanced ass whooping on you so don't tread on him.

Red Bulls Camp is BYOL (Bring Your Own Ladies)

running

I dunno what's going on at the Red Bulls pre-season camp out in Carson other than they lost to Chivas and cut some players. What I don't know is who brought the track-panted ladies with them. If you know who they are give Luis Bueno at Sideline Views a shout...he seems interested and open to meeting them for an In & Out Burger or something.

Shout out to SRubio for the heads up.

FC Dallas Shows You It's New Brazilian



Not to play favorites buuuuuuuuut....FC Dallas probably has the most new media savvy front office in the league. I'm not saying it to kiss ass or curry favor (but if I could get a Big Kenny Cooper jersey out of this that would be the hotness). I'm just stating that they get it more than most.

Exhibit A: this highlight reel of new Brazilian acquisition Andre Rocha, their second from their partner Clube Atletico Paranaense. (And BTW is it just me or is this the only one of the many partnerships out there that actually seems to produce anything other than exhibition games?)

See, no one likes to mention it but Americans of non-Hispanic descent are by and large tragically Eurocentric. And to that end even the most ardent footie fan has little to no idea (or real interest in) who players are in the South American leagues. Because of this it's beyond awesome when an MLS club signs a new player from CONMEBOL and gives us a reel on them; it's nice to put a face (and a few goals) with a name.

Many clubs have done this in the past but for some reason it's usually for established players that we all knew about before they came into the league; Beckham and Denilson come to mind. Why not educate us on someone we haven't seen 10 hours of Youtube footage of? Someone like DC United's new signing Marcello Gallardo. Here's a guy who is one of only a handful of DP's yet you'd be hard pressed to find anyone on this side of the Atlantic who is familiar with his exploits at PSG.

But to get back on a positive track, FC Dallas' communications dept. is the cream y'all. Not only do they put together great video packages, but they get them out in a timely fashion and make them available beyond their official website (it's 2008, if your video is not embeddable it's almost invisible). And did I mention that they were one of the 1st clubs to have an official blog (and still one of the few)?

If you can hear me Frisco,
I you; will you be my Valentine?

2.12.2008

All You Ever Wanted to Know About MLS & Houston But Were Afraid to Ask.

dontruth

Dear Haters-

Don Garber is not trying to obsess about what you think about this league. He is not losing sleep over your negativity and it's certainly not speeding up his hair-loss (the shorn look is his own wise choice). He does not care that you may think that bringing in more South American players is the opposite of what MLS should be about. And if you think that this is retirement league he thinks that you are just plain "wrong".

He is also more concerned about how much money the league is making than with how much it is losing. Why? Because he's a sports business professional and knows what's what. And you Hater, what do you know other than talking trash about topics that you truly know little about? Nothing.

Let a player play.

Sincerely
The Management

Since A Few People Are Actin' Like It's New Information

Royal

I'll post this again. Real Madrid is coming to the U.S. this summer. And probably Barcelona as well. Why doesn't anyone listen when I talk? If we have these types of trust issues then I think we should really think about some group therapy. Otherwise, I'm concerned for the future of this relationship.

Local Boy Done Good: 24 Hrs in Texas With Clint Dempsey



Clint Dempsey and I have similar priorities. When returning to Texas from abroad one of the first things one should always do is seek out the nearest quality Mexican food on offer. Especially if one is coming from Fulham where the best local Mexican place, La Perla on Fulham Rd., is good but it serves raspberry salsa and is frequented by Right Said Fred. Real Mexican restaurants don't do raspberries. Or Right Said Fred!

But that's just my biased opinion having personally felt Duece's pain. You can listen to him lament his culinary longings, hook up with his family in a Houston hotel room, and be the subject of multiple photo shoots and interviews in the US Soccer video clip. Personally I've always wondered what it's like for these guys when they come in for national team games but not camp. Surely these whistle-stop games are exhausting but whatever you gotta do to represent you do it. Good stuff from USSoccer.com…more please.

2.11.2008

Jimmy Conrad Has Better Taste in Music Than You

JimmyMix

Kansas City Wizards & US National team defender Jimmy Conrad has better taste in music than you. FACT. That is unless your name is whatever Jack Black's character was called in High Fidelity or you are Rick Rubin.

The big man was cool enough to check in from The Wizards pre-season camp in Florida and drop science on us in the form of this play list. An excellently eclectic selection that runs the gamut from indie atmospherics (Sigur Ros) to dance floor anarchy (Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock), it's structured for the slow build up; a couple of tracks for a few hours before the game, a few to get the head bobbing on the bus to the stadium & in the locker room then an up tempo sprint to get to game-time.

Personally I'm down with the vast majority of the mix, but would it kill him to drop a little Foghat every once in a while? Feel free to download the tracks below from iTunes (linked) or wherever you get your music from.

Jimmy Conrad's Pre-Game Mixtape

Sigur Ros: Staralfur
Seu Jorge: Rebel Rebel
Broken Social Scene: Time = Cause
The Postal Service: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
Tapes 'n Tapes: Insistor
We Are Scientists: The Scene is Dead
Spoon: The Underdog
Interpol: Not Even Jail
Arcade Fire: Wake Up
The Killers: Shadowplay
Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock: It Takes Two
Tool: Aenema

The Librarian: Win a Copy of "The Ball is Round"

ballround

For all you bookworms and historians out there, here's an opportunity to add some serious girth to your footie library. TOR has a few copies of David Goldblatt's colossal & comprehensive soccer history tome, The Ball is Round, and I'm going to give them away to 3 lucky winners. One of the most thorough books out there on world football, this sucker weighs in at a shelf-buckling 992+ pages...basically by the time you finish this the US will be hosting the World Cup again.

How do you get down? Simple. Just subscribe to TOR by Friday when I'll draw names from the list of subscribing email addresses. If you are already a subscriber then you're already in the running. If you aren't a subscriber, then get to typing in the box at the top right of the page.

You Too Can Belong To Jesus

kaka

Did you spend your Sunday morning on your knees praying for salvation and an away win? Do you follow AC Milan with an almost religious fervor? Have you ever crossed yourself before a penalty that you weren't taking?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above I have the shirt for you. Just like Brazilian bad-ass Kaka, you too may in fact belong to Jesus. Should you feel the need to share that love while giving a sly wink to your slavish devotion of inside futbol pop-culture, the best course of action may be to adorn yourself with this replica from Objectivo, makers of quite nice soccer apparel.

Even if you belong to a different spiritual entitiy, I recommend you get this tee; if nothing else it might help you fit in on your next trip to Mike Huckabee campaign headquarters.

2.08.2008

One Last US-Mexico Post

knockout

Just had to get this photo in there. Jozy putting Rafa Marquez on his rear...so many metaphors here that I've written 3 different (terrible) battle rhymes from it. Remind me to spit them next time I see you.

Where's Waldo?

Brokeback

A couple of days ago SBI wondered aloud about what our Waldo will do with his time now that he has parted ways with the announcers desk over at ESPN. While we may very well be counting his contract buyout dollars, he's still got a beverage empire to build. What am I talking about? Wynalda is an independent distributor for Mona Vie, an Amway-esque fruit drink that actually tastes pretty good and is purported to have a slew of rejuvenating effects.

But don't just take my word for it, let former US national team, MLS & Everton star Joe-Max Moore.



"Slow down SF. What's JJM got to do with this?"

Well since you ask he's like the O.G. sales guy for this stuff. He sits on top of a pyramid with Waldo, Clint Mathis and a slew of MLS players beneath him. I actually wandered into an event that the three of them had in NYC last year where they were testifying about their product to a room full of new disciples. All three were beyond cool (JMM and Clint bought us a few pints, natch) and alarmingly passionate about the drink. Wynalda was even toned down and gave me a shot of Mona Vie that was actually pretty damned refreshing, and had me hopped up for a few hours.

So if you wanna help the dude pay for his kids private school please start buying from his stash. Who the hell knows, maybe it'll make you look as young as he does in the photo above.

2 MLS Owners Make Forbes List of Billionaire Ballers

Minted


Forbes, the Official Magazine of the Rich People You Work For™, has done a list of the Top 10 billionaire soccer owners. It's pretty fucking bunk-nana's that such a list exists and even wilder that 2 of the ten own MLS franchises. For a league on a budget this shit's got some seriously minted men behind it.

Now everyone knows Uncle Phil Anschutz has more money than God and that's why he's so tight with him. But Microsoft's Paul Allen, Seattle's new-boy on the ownership block, is so wealthy it defies adjectives. Seriously, he's got Bond-villain money. Think I'm BSing? Look at his boat:

octopus

I say boat, but this is no dingy. This is the Octopus and she's the definition of maritime ballin' outta control™. This megayacht is subject to more non-disclosure agreements than Micheal Jackson's nanny but just like the X-Files "the truth is out there".

With a flooding boat bay able to deploy large boats and his $6m 10 person submarine from the stern dock, or jetskis and speedboats from side doors, this sucker is so big it has other smaller vehicles that live off of it like parasites on the Cloverfield monster. The tricky problem of arguments with the wife over the helicopter is solved by having hangar space for two choppers with pads forward and aft, and for that special suburban home touch there's a basketball hoop mounted above the helicopter garage door.

This is why Seattle was picked for the 15th team; Garber & co want to have the company Christmas "do" on this joker.

Vancouver Still Waiting To Get in the Stadium Game

vancouver

Poor olde Bob Lenarduzzi. While everyone else doesn't have the cash for a team (St. Louis) or has to rely on public funds for a stadium (everyone else), the Vancouver Whitecaps owner seems to be the only man standing with enough dollars to do both yet he still can't get no satisfaction. And as more time passes, it certainly feels like his MLS chances are dimming.

He's gotta be hating it. I mean here is a guy who has stated repeatedly and publicly that he'll build a house with his own money, yet keeps getting cock-blocked by the alleged civic utopia that he calls home. And all the while the list of cities vying for those fleeting few MLS expansion spots keeps growing as if it where written in Chia.

Philadelphia in particular is getting on his last good nerve, what with their sure-to-dazzle waterfront stadium looking more like a reality these days. Or at least that's how this piece on Canada.com makes it sound. Nice to see that the City of Brotherly love can unnerve someone other than T.O.

2.07.2008

Houston: The Players Tell Thier Side



I'm still kinda speechless. OK that's a lie but saying I'm too busy doing my real job just doesn't sound very accommodating. Whatevs. Regardless, now that it's all said and done and there are exactly 113 stories out there today about last night's draw, let's hear from some people who are not you, me or this dude's doo-rag.

Last Night's Party: Border-War Soccer Edition

Onestart

I'm damn near speechless this morning and not because Deuce Dempsey got robbed, or because the US defending at times mirrored French military tactics (right this way Mr. Kaiser, your table is waiting). I'm just shocked that I actually predicted this one with preternatural accuracy: I wrote yesterday that it would be 2-2 with Drew Moor as the goat, which contrary to what LL Cool J will tell you does not stand for "Greatest Of All Time".

Since I'm too creeped-out by my newly revealed future-seeing powers to write anything up, I'm going to let the pictures do the talking a la Last Night's Party. But with less pictures, more type and (regretably) no boobs.


AirGooch

Lockinghorns

Boogieman

Lastone

Outlaw

history

Magallon

2.06.2008

US-Mexico: Predictions, Predictions, Predictions




Let's see what the man on the street has to say about tonight's "Tango in Texas". Like the man on the street in a Luchadore mask with a stuffed eagle on his head, and a cape on his back. Or the man on the street that is possibly drunk and definitley loud. And maybe something from the man, actually boy, who's so young that I doubt he really knows anything about soccer outside of FIFA 08.

They're all here plus more. Even Houston Chronicle soccer beat writer Bernardo Fallas makes an appearance (in a tight red superhero-esque top no less). And just for the hell of it I'm gonna give you my honest prediction…2-2. Hate me if you want but I don't see this one as a cake walk (not to put it on you Drew Moor but you're the weakest link here buddy).

What Is the Prize for Tonight's Victor?

HeyY'all

I just had a conversation in the fabled MTV commissary about tonight's match, and it ended with a question of "how much are the teams going to make from this?" The answer is quite simply "shitloads." But they don't do this for the money.

It's not been discussed much but the winner of tonight's match will receive a week at Sandals with an assortment of disgraced sorority sisters from Houston's San Jacinto College. Pictured above is Tanya Brookings, of Phi Beta Theta; with a big mouth, bad hair and an obvious eating disorder she is a Texas lady to the T (Lord knows I have intimate knowledge of the type). But she does appear to have long arms which -for reasons I will not go into in a public forum such as this- is always a positive.

Who wants it most!?

More "Battle on the Bayou" Hype




You can't stop me. I'm gonna be all hype, all day and not apologize for it. From the soccer heads down at the Houston Chronicle comes even more Mexico-baiting video, this time featuring coach Bob Bradley, Tim Howard, Stuart Holden, and Baby Bradley from team practices at Robertson Stadium.

I'll admit that I am biased, but to show my appreciation for the culture of the opposition I will drink nothing but Corona & Dos Equis tonight. That's the kind of warrior-poet I am...you could all learn something from my example.

Feb. 6th: You Know What It Is

friendly

So are y'all ready for this? I know I'm not the only one all wound up right now, counting the hours to the pre-game and ordering imaginary pints in my head. Yes, it's going to be a tough day at the old jobby-job today.

I wish I could put it away for a bit but I can't. And why should I front and talk about anything else when this match has so many angles to cover? You could talk about how the 80's Babies are facing their 1st big call-up under Bob Bradley. Or maybe we could focus on Baby Bradley all by his lonesome. Then there's the story of America's Homegrown Hater's who root for El Tri despite calling the U.S. home.

Off the field it's worth noting that this match will be the 1st in a while not to feature Dave O'Brien & Eric Wynalda on the call. Believe it or not I may miss Big Dave; as he got more familiar with the game I got much more comfortable with him & his baseball voice. For old times sake I'll leave you with his intro to last February's border war...feel it.


2.05.2008

ESPN Classic Gets You Primed for "the Battle on the Bayou"

LANDONfreekick

Drew Carey said it best when he declared the Super Bowl "a sham". Even after 2-weeks of ceaseless buildup, punditry & pageantry I was still underwhelmed -and my local team won! Since that over-hyped nonsense is over we can now fully concentrate on the big game this week...US-Mexico. Sorry Anglophiles but England-Switzerland isn't even in the running.

Prior to Wednesday evening's most unfriendly of friendlies, ESPN Classic is providing you with a little video-Viagra to help you get it up for the main event; they'll be dusting off last year's classic from Arizona for 12noon EST airing. If you haven't already thought about taking the day off, start developing a really juicy, hacking cough right about now.

And if you're not too familiar with the intensity of this rivalry, please review the following video to find out just how dirty (Mexico) & heated (the U.S.) these games tend to be.



Eddie Johnson Is Now Dressing Like a Pro Athlete

Gucci

Leave it to EJ to make an entrance in his first appearance at Craven Cottage -a match against Aston Villa that he didn't even dress for. In a show of young, moneyed swagger the Grown Ass Man strutted in rocking head-to-toe Gucci on the "green carpet" that leads the way to the pitch. Now I'm not going to say that money has changed him or anything, but I doubt that he ever paraded around Arrowhead Stadium looking runway-ready. Suddenly Clint Dempsey's Nike sponsorship looks positively juvenile.

I love it. If he can find it in him to look that crisp on the field I'll love it even more.

Shouts to FERENGi for the photo.

New England: Where Your Cup Dreams Go to Die



For once, I'm not the one picking on New England. While the Buffalo Bills reference is becoming as predictable as a New York coaching change, I will give mad props for having the same taste random Twellman photos as yours truly. From AOL's IrishOutsider, this clip comes with the appropriate amount of failure-skewering goods on the that other team that sent Bob Kraft home from the big dance this season with nothing.

2.04.2008

Photo: Nick Garcia's Last Tango In KC

hurrah

Ask and thou shall recieve. An anonymous reader was kind enough to send in this photo from he Nick Garcia bon voyage blowout in KC the other night. Now I'm going to put this out there for you all to decide...is he "ballin' outta control"?

I think a lot of the necessary elements are in place: 2 marginally blonde women, a posh lounge, dudes in their "going out shirts", and libations. I might give it to him, but I'm married so my standards have dropped. What say you? Is this worth the fabled "ballin' outta control" tag?

THE VERDICT: The People have unanimously voted that this is nothing close to ballerdom.

2.01.2008

The Nick Garcia Blowout at Blonde

Garcia

Middle-American party people, if you have any photos of Nick Garcia or his former KC Wizards team-mates ballin' outta control at this event last night, hook us up! We want to know what went down inside Blonde and we ain't too proud to beg. Hit me up with blow by blow.

Oh Dear: New Beckham Tattoo is Posh...Naked.

Skin

The other day we had a little tat-talk about Becks' new piece. Upon further inquest that left arm piece is in fact a naked picture of Victoria. Not that we ever see our David on the pitch in short sleeves but this pretty much seals it that you never will again -for the children's sake.

I asked my buddy Kevin Q, proprietor of Fat Cat Tattoos in Queens NYC for his thoughts on Becks' bodywork and he pointed out to me that on his other arm he has Victoria's name misspelled in Sanskrit. Nice. He also pointed out that the guy that does all his work, Louis Molloy, is a well-respected bad ass in the industry but that can't make up for David's poor taste. Or -judging by the cross with wings on his back and his guardian angel - religious guilt.

Oh Hells Nawl! TFC to Come Clean, Admit MoJo to be GM

Fibber

"When Johnston was asked if the new hiring would mean that he would no longer be on the sideline, he said: "Not at all, I'll be on the sideline." " -Mo Johnston, Toronto Globe & Mail Dec. 6th 2007

"There's nothing there," Johnston told SBI on Friday. "That's just talk for message boards. I'm not going anywhere." -Mo Johnston, Soccer By Ives Dec. 10th 2007

"Mo Johnston, who coached the team during its inaugural season in 2007, has been moved to the new position of manager and director of soccer – in essence, the club's general manager." -sports writer Morgan Campbell, Toronto Star Feb.1st 2008

Not to be that guy but do you remember this post? It started what was damn near an international incident with legit writers in 4 different countries following up on it. I've no desire to be all "I told you so" and I certainly don't do this too be "blog famous" or the 1st person to post about a topic. But I took some criticism on this one, and for what...getting it right?

Oh well. Best of luck to MoJo, whom I've always had a lot of love for. Even if he is a fibber.

Don't Look Back in Anger: The Galaxy Review 2007



I have nothing snarky or critical to say about this other than the music could be better. I like the idea though; every team should have one except for RSL...no one needs to relive that nightmare.