The off season is soooooooooo boring. There is nothing going on but the rent until the January transfer window, the odd coaching change aside. What is a man to do to keep himself entertained during the long cold winter? Have a laugh at Taylor Twellman's expense.
I don't think regular updates on what TT might be doing to numb the pain of repeated defeat while on the doorstep to victory is the most entertaining thing, but hey it beats me becoming an MISL junkie. So with that here is the TOR exclusive, TT's Photo Diary.
After the tearful flight back to New England, TT went straight from Logan Airport to the mall at Copley Place. Needing a boost in self-esteem TT loitered with intent outside Forever 21 looking to get recognized. Said two Brookline teens who got their photo taken with the down trodden star "we got our picture taken with him which was OK, but it would have been tons less creepy if we knew who he was before he asked us if we wanted to get a picture with him."
After spending 24 straight hours crying into a 325 thread count pillow case, TT needed an escape from the barrage of consolatory phone calls, emails, and casseroles from family & friends. Deciding to leave the house, he hit Bill's Bar on Landsdowne Street with a vengeance shocking many of the patrons inside. "I suggested he take it easy" said a waitress who preferred to remain nameless, "He suggested I "stop acting like I'm the boss of him".
During a beer run for more Bud Ice, TT ran into this pair of young twins. Once again Twellman posed for a photo that seemed to be more for him than the people he posed with. Quipped the pretty twin "he thought we where twins from one of those Budweiser ads from the 80's and was all excited to show his friend Franchino the photo. We weren't even born when those ads were on but we didn't have the heart to tell him we were only in Mentos commercials".
The following evening at an event for Crown Royal, the striker fell victim to harsh words from once famous rapper-turned-DJ Biz Markie. After annihilating the dance floor by dropping the hip hop classic "The Bridge is Over" by Boogie Down Productions, the cartoonish MC was heard to yell "The bridge is over, just like your chance at one of these". He then flashed a bootleg MLS Cup ring purchased on Canal Street in New York's Chinatown.
After nearly 2 weeks in the wilderness of his underachieving mind, Taylor hit rock bottom and was looking as haggard as as a 6 a.m. Amy Winehouse. Not helping matters was his insistence on spending of hours listening to nothing but Johnny Cash's rendition of Nine Nails' "Hurt" on repeat.
Feeling a bit better and heading toward the light, TT and his missus hit the red carpet at the Regal Cinemas in Framingham, Mass. for the premiere of the MLS Cup 07 film. More than one observer reports seeing him "gritting his teeth to point of self-harm, but he didn't cry". He was on the way back.
And here we are at the present. He appears to be back to his old grocery store-opening self. Shit, judging by the table full of food he's now even eating things other than that beef jerky they sell on the counter at liquor stores. Welcome back Taylor...you'll get' em this year for sure. Maybe.