11.08.2011

Hello Cargo



TheOffsideRules.blogspot.com is over. As of today TOR will move exclusively to TheOffsideRules.com. I'll keep this address as an archive of good times-past and as a parachute in case both you and I agree that the new look is whack in the long run.

Pretty much the only thing that is changing is the layout/user experience, which is kind of a big deal but not really. Also, this is the official divorce decree between TOR and Helvetica Bold. Sorry kids but it's for the best that we split; the thrill was gone.

11.07.2011

Goodbye Blogspot



Things are going to get real weird around here in a little while & you may well hate me for it.

Seven Minutes in (Timbers) Heaven



Portland’s debut MLS season may have come to a halt but the misty-eyed memories and goosebump-inducing flashbacks live on in Portland Timbers, We Adore You. A no-narration documentary chronicling JELD-WEN Field’s inaugural MLS match, the seven-minute film drips with both tasteful camerawork and nostalgia for the recent past. There is also a little bit of odd timing as well as opening day was 8 months ago but that is of little consequence when the finished product to so damn pretty to look at.

Add in a handful of highly-stylized Adrian Healy soundbites and the end result is something any reasonable fan of American soccer would deem worthy of watching*. Twice.

BONUS TRACK: Alaska Airlines recently did their own JELD-WEN Field opening flashback video. Watch it.

*Reasonable fan ≠ a closed-minded Sounders fan who blindly hates anything associated with Portland.

Marsch's Montreal Have Anelka on the Brain



How’s your French? Merde? Better ask for Rosetta Stone for Christmas then because if you really want to know what’s what with the Impact you’re going to need to read and listen to a lot of it. But if you are like me and only speak French after a bottle & a half of Bordeaux (and poorly even then) you can check out the latest episode of the SoccerPlus podcast because it features an English-language interview with Montreal coach Jessie Marsch.

The headline here is that he says the club are still batting around the idea of making a play for Nicolas Anelka. I repeat, Nicolas “Not Claude” Anelka. Marsch says “it’s still a possibility” and they “haven’t closed the door on it.” It would be one hell of a get, much better than that raft of aged Italians that’s been bandied about as possible DPs. Plus with him being French he could actually understand what the local socceratti are writing about him.

On second thought maybe that’s not the best move for a player as, erm, emotional as Nico.

Section 8: Not The Best at Suicide Prevention



Wrong. Just wrong.

Josh Gatt is Ready for His Closeup



Here’s the glorified-public access profile on Detroit-bred Molde striker Josh Gatt that we’ve all been asking for. All jokes aside, I know precious little about this kid other than what I read in random yet seemingly regular tweets when scores so I, for one, could use the education.

Also please try to make it to the end of this clip if you can because the sign off is absolutely classic.

Wanted: 2 Girls Who Like Soccer & Creepers from San Diego



OK boys fess up. Which one of you wannabe ballers from SD posted this on Craigslist?

Galaxy MLS Cup 2011 - $20 (home depot)

WELL, THE GALAXY MADE IT TO THE FINAL FOR THE MLS CUP.. I BOUGHT MY TICKETS LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO.. THESE ARE SECTION 231.. THEY ARE LIKE MIDDLE SECTION... MORE THAN SELLING THEM... I RATHER TAKE TWO GIRLS FOR FREE TO THIS GAME.. IM COMING FROM SAN DIEGO TO SEE THE GALAXY BE CHAMPIONS... SO WHICH TWO GIRLS WANT TO GO? EMAIL ME AND WE CAN EXCHANGE EMAILS AND PICS...

I know whoever placed this ad has high hopes that the respondents to his offer will resemble the Beckhamistas above in more than one way but trust me my dude, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. This is Craigslist, not Jacques (NSFW); you will count yourself lucky if your dates are not "pros"/con artists and have all of their teeth.

[H/T to @TheDenimKit]

11.06.2011

MLS Cup 2011 Brought to You By AEG



Here we are with one game left to go on the MLS calendar and it's an all-AEG affair with the Galaxy pretty much hosting the Dynamo. So we can all rest assured that Tim Leiweke will be standing atop a podium in an AEG-built venue with a trophy, named after Uncle Phil Anschutz himself, at the end of 90 minutes come hell or high-water and I ain't mad at that.

However I am upset about the fact that rumors of MLS Cup being "Phil Anschutz Bobblehead Night" are just that, rumors. Still, if ever there was anyone in modern, American soccer worthy of being immortalized in miniature form and distributed to fans it is Mr. Anschutz. Without him MLS Cup doesn't exist.

3NIL x Zizou

zz2

Typically I restrict myself to talking about wet, hot American soccer but if there is a player with no North American angle that I can make an exception for it is Zidane. Have you seen the Zizou shirts from 3NIL? So necessary. I'm going to cop one in hopes that it will make me look worldly. You should too.

Reigning Champ x Gastown F.C.

scarf2

Gastown FC is kind of like the Canadian version of Chinatown FC: an amateur squad of urban, arty-types with more style and merch than most professional clubs. And God bless them for it because they provide some excellent options for those who what to rep the game without going to obvious; there are some times, some places when a jersey just isn't the best look.

GFC have a nice little online boutique stocked with all of their wares and then some. If you like your footie gear bespoke, classic and just a little pricey check them out here. And if you want to sort me out with a Christmas gift I'm feeling the scarf/snood collaboration they've done with Reigning Champ. Must. Have.